User:Sandrinelessardaubin/Nancy Vincent McClelland/MoMajeed4113 Peer Review

General info
Classmates'
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Nancy Vincent McClelland
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
In general, I believe firstly that the article, in its present form, offers a succint look into the impact of Nancy Vincent McLelland's work. The article is well divided, in sections that seem sensible enough. I must, however, recommend a more appropirate usage of grammar and syntax to communicate the topic more clearly. There are a few instances where improper usage of the English language occurs, for instance with the phrase  McClelland was also an expert on the European/American antiques . This is a bit of an awkward usage of the preposition  the , which would usually be omitted from the previous sentence for it in accordance with standard syntax. Furthermore, I would suggest a greater variety in word choices in order to enrich the reading experience. In the Lead section, for example, the 2nd and 3rd paragraph start with  Throughout her career  and  Throughout her long career  respectively. This repition isn't really flattering nor ideal and therefore I would suggest starting either paragraph with a similar phrase worded differently in order to present a more robust grasp of grammatical prowess. Lastly, I appreciate the article's attempt at displaying the importance of the first female president of the AID, as is mentionned a few times throughout the body of the text. I do think, however, that this influence could be reiterated in the  Legacy  section, which is quite lackluster currently. Other than that, the text is mostly irreprochable, and I have high hopes that the article is on the right track to become a succesful one!.