User:SaraParkwood/Creative Commons license/ToharZamir Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

SaraParkwood


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SaraParkwood/Creative_Commons_license?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Creative Commons license

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Foremost, the lead was thorough and relevant–though I would stray away from the essay voice (especially use of colon in last sentence), and instead focus on brevity. Additionally, a citation in the lead area would be prudent.

For each subsection I would generally advise combining sentences however much is possible while retaining their meanings. The communist example with China does well in that it is well-cited and clear, and in my opinion not biased.

As for the Capitalism subsection, I would stray from using the term "motivation"–and (as well as with the communism section) would make explicit links to both of those ideologies' Wikipedia pages, as well as those of the countries. The listing by number in this section is superflous in my opinion. Also, is the discussion of info-communism appropriate for this section moreso than it would be under the communist section? I think so, if you change the order that it is revealed (talk about the GPL as a capitalist hybrid).

Generally I think the article is right where it should be length-wise, and doesn't read with any explicit bias. Some grammatical tweaking and I think it's ready for ink!