User:Sarahnalbandian/Mursal Nabizada/Cliopentimento Peer Review

General info
Sarahnalbandian
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sarahnalbandian/Mursal_Nabizada?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Mursal Nabizada

Evaluate the drafted changes
It seems like your group has found some useful new information to add to the existing entry, but I wonder if there is other information you could find and add. Please see my comments and questions below in bold :

"Outside parliament, she worked for the Institute for Human Resources Development and Research.Briefly ID/define what this organization is She was also an active member of the Inter-Parliamentary Union (IPU). She attended many conferences such as the one in New York in 2020 hosted by the IPU.What did she do and say at this conference?"

The next paragraph after this repeats the same first sentence. Proofread your work more carefully.

"Nabizada also did non profit work at the Institute for Human Resources Development and Research. However, in December 2022 the Taliban issued a statute denying women the access to participate in public spheres of work including non governmental organizations, university matriculation, and are barred from being employed.

"

See the repetition of first sentence. Why is the second sentence hyperlinked? Explain what this meant for Nabizada specifically. She lost her position in government as well as her non-governmental organization affiliations?

"The Canadian government had a common goal (WORDING DOES NOT MAKE SENSE) by creating a coalition to free Nabizada from Afghanistan alongside 8 other women that were formerly in the Afghanistan Parliament. This effort to take the women out of Afghanistan into Canada began in October 2022, 4 months before Nabizada's death."

'''This is important, though the writing is weak, and there is not much information here. A coalition with whom? Please explain this effort of the Canadian government more clearly and with more detail. By "to free" her do you mean to provide transportation for her to escape Afghanistan and to give her legal asylum in Canada? Who were the other women? What happened to the effort?'''

At around 3 am on 15 January 2023, Nabizada was shot to death on the first floor of her home in Kabul, along with one of her personal bodyguards Ismail, by Malyaar. '''Who/what is Malyaar? Explain'''

Mursal Nabizada was one of the first victims in a string of 600 murders who (? DOES NOT MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE) targeted former members of the NRF ONLY USE ACROYNMS IF YOU HAVE ALREADY INTRODUCED THE GROUP NAME--SPELL IT OUT and opposition figures in the Parliament. Within the first year of the Taliban takeover they carried out an illegal campaign where they arbitrarily arrested and detained 1,976,914 people.

Did she leave behind a legacy?

Your citations overlap a lot with the sources that already exist on the page. Have you done a thorough search in all the newspaper databases UCLA has online to find other sources?

Your group also needs to make sure to fill out the complete details of your citations, not just link to them.

KM