User:Sarvind kr/Sample page

Early life and family
I think the main role I learned from school was that, I realised this when I was around 10 years old, and confusing process of hiding my anthroposophical background, I lived in a Camphill community and that in a country so divided by religion.

In 2006 I was 9 years old and had just begun at a Guru Vashishtha school in Hajipur, I was smart, in the higher level of all of my classes and I was popular at school. and I think that they would not have cared if they knew my background, Instead I showed them my fake personality that I had crafted and wore well. I was frantically hammering together for myself and my future. My physical well-being had collapsed, I would need three months in bed. I had energy for nothing, I was in a lot of pain and I was emotionally numb. A year later I had still not managed to properly get out of bed. I had tried to go back to school but my attempts always left me feeling physically worse than before and I had no idea why. Having never heard of someone with a Worries illness before, Yet mostly I was too tired to think very deeply about my life, I just cried a lot, I was confused, hurt and filled with longing.

I didn’t recognise that I had things called “symptoms” I didn’t know that anything like that existed, that a body could show a series of signs that lead to a diagnosis of a disease. I remember that when I got to my room I felt empty of thoughts and feelings, I just stood around for some time feeling blank. And then for some reason it felt obvious to me that I needed to write, though this was not very usual for me. I got a piece of paper and without thinking why I was doing it I wrote ‘sarvind kumar’ at the top of the page and then proceeded to write a letter to this ‘Sarvind Kumar’. That night when I was in bed I had a dream-like experience and in it I was told that I would write a book called Sarvind Kumar. As a child I had sometimes heard the same voice that I heard in that ‘dream’ speaking to me, and I recognised it immediately. It is an older woman, though she feels ageless, and she speaks from very far away with just a few words that express precisely what she means. I woke up to write the message down on a piece of paper and fell asleep again. and I had never had the wish to make my personal life open but it was an incredibly clear message and I trusted in it enormously, simply writing letters expressing my thoughts and feelings during this time in my life when there was so much to say and no one.

it was inner or outer health, but by that point it didn’t matter which, because I already understood that my inner health was worth more than my physical health. I experienced this as very difficult to deal with.

After on my 10th exam my parents gave me a computer with which to write out my story. In the same month I took my new Laptop, my new healthy body and my huge suitcase of “Sarvind Kumar” Letters to Hajipur, After Four months at this community I went to ALLEN INSTITUTE in kota, Rajasthan for two year and again, in my little spare time, I continued to type up the letters. Finally, before leaving, I was able to make a fire with two friends, burning everything that had been my original, true friendship to “Sarvind Kumar”

I then moved to New Delhi to Study in the city, and I tried to enter into the next phase of the Study with Hard Work, I could find the ability in me to do it. Thereafter I later went to Patna in Bihar for a three Months Training.

At New Year, when we turned to 2018, I was at home with my parents in Bihar, Then a wave of regret and annoyance fell over me and I experienced so much in the few seconds of that moment. I had been a stupid little boy and even more stupid for wasting so much time and energy writing the our story, Thereafter I went outside and was just walking around with my thoughts blazing.

I went to Rajgir in Bihar where friends of my family have a house and I spent one month, mostly alone, in the vast, volcanic landscape with a deep valley that accompanied me beautifully in my daily walks. I was suddenly in a completely new phase of my life, which I described as falling to my knees in view of life itself.