User:Savannahmaria/Education for refugees, migrants and internally displaced persons/Amchu24 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Savannahmaria


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Savannahmaria/Education_for_refugees,_migrants_and_internally_displaced_persons?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Education for refugees, migrants and internally displaced persons

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Savannah, great job on the article and with an interesting topic. Based on the Wiki dashboard, I assumed you wrote the intro section (0) so I focused mostly on that but also touched on the whole article. If some of this doesn’t apply to your written part, please disregard.


 * I like the introduction you wrote and how it tied together the other themes touched on in the article.
 * More minor word-choice comments
 * Section title “Challenges” mixed with the sub-heading “youth education” was a bit confusing because I read it as youth education being the challenge.
 * Sources
 * I noticed you had a good list of sources in your bibliography doc and am curious if you plan to incorporate more into the article.
 * There are some sources cited parenthetically but not in footnotes yet, particularly in Youth Education.
 * Language
 * Overall, the language is balanced and clear. Try to be mindful of whether claims need to be backed or not. One note is in the first paragraph line "Education is the primary way by which migrants can adjust to the linguistic, social, and cultural environments of their new communities.” I think you could take out ‘primary' because it implies an existing rank of importance, or add a source on who says that.
 * This is an odd comment but feel free to make language more ‘dry'. I like the use of transition sentences and understandable language, but particularly with the Challenges/Youth Education sub-section, language like ‘very’, ‘only’ may be too casual and non-neutral, even if it is cited to a specific author - unless directly quoted!
 * Moving forward – If interested, I think the article can further expand on each of the points mentioned in the intro on what/why refugee education is important (can empower refugee children and adults to lead fulfilling lives, help address trauma, culture shock, and other negative effects of forced displacement.)
 * Similar to the statistics used in the background section about education enrollment, exploring if there’s more granular data for each importance (data on mental health/trauma, economic mobility, etc.)

Let me know if you have any questions about this feedback. Great job and good luck on final revisions!