User:Scabrams/sandbox

Review (Ayden Olsen)
"Your topic is really interesting and has potential to help others understand how African Americans used music to cope with oppression and press forward towards racial autonomy. The article needs an introduction section. Reading it, I felt like I had been thrown too quickly into the topic. A brief paragraph or two at the head of the page would do readers well, giving them a light gloss-over of the topic before going into more detail. The separation of time periods works really well. I think you could put more page links in, particularly in the 19th century paragraph. For instance, the 'rules' that whites implemented to control blacks, the 14th Amendment, white patrols, even small things like the symbols or worship meetings could all be linked to separate Wikipedia articles. Having those links would make the page feel more official and give the reader more opportunity to more deeply understand the culture and practices of these people. Proofread it over again for grammar and typing errors (20th century, lines 2-3, 'artists who added their voice the those who sang...?; 21st century, line 3, 'had their own counter culture which challenge** the power...). Finally, I would suggest more closely mimicking the diction style of other Wikipedia articles; the article will sound like personal ideas and inaccurate information if the sentence structure and tone are not rigid and formal. It's okay to (seemingly illogically) switch topics in the middle of a section or paragraph."

Review Heather Walker
You picked a very interesting topic and you have a lot of good ideas. Your writing gets bogged down by wordiness especially in the first section. Consider making your ideas more concise within the sentence or splitting the ideas into separate sentences. In an attempt to cover a lot of information, which is good, you move quickly through a lot of ideas. Maybe consider linking those ideas better so that the reader can better follow the history. Your tone was a little casual in places. Overall, this article is very interesting and has a lot of good ideas. It provides insight and is relevant.