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Swag Theory

Swag theory is the theory of the correlation between swag and epicness. [edit]Early Developments

Swag Theory was proposed and founded by Samuel Cain and Isaac McCavit. It was widely known that the more swag one had the more epic they were. However, Dr. Cain noticed that he had more swag and a higher level of epicness than one of his other colleagues, strangely though the other had a higher level of yolo, which was commonly thought to be more important in determining epicness. This being said, there had to have been some point at which epicness decreases for a given amount of swags. Professor McCavit soon came up with a unit of measurement for this to be measured on, swags per minute. Swags per minute is the number of swags a person cycles through every minute. Dr. Cain soon noticed that Shakespeare discovered swag and in result had the most swag of his time. This led to initially thinking that Shakespeare was the most epic person to have lived. It seemed that it was impossible to surpass the number of swags he cycled through per minute (around 5.4 thousand). This constant was called the Shakespearean Swag Constant. This still led to a problem because people were still yoloing which, even though one yolo had more value than one swag, they had less epicness than Shakespeare had and it appeared to be over the Shakespearean Swag Constant. To confirm this Professor McCavit spent many relentless seconds to come up with an algorithm to convert swags to yolos. It appeared that one yolo was actually equal to swag^2, confirming the suspicion that it did break the Shakespearean Swag Constant. A breakthrough discovery was made when Professor McCavit theorized that Sean Connery actually had the most Swags Per Minute ever while simultaneously being the most epic ever. After many rigorous calculations Dr. Cain was able to confirm this proposal. Dr. Cain and Professor McCavit needed to rethink their swag theory. They discovered that if one was to surpass Connery's swags per minute their epicness would decrease. When graphed this created a parabolic function. The number of swags per minute that can not be passed without one's epicness decreasing became known as the Connery Threshold. It was so high that the Connery became the standard measurement of swags per minute being one million swags per minute. Sean Connery has precisely 527.785 Connerys, this allows for maximum bacons (measurement of epicness) at round 2500.

Graph Demonstrating Connerys to Bacons with the Connery Constant (AKA Connery Threshold) [edit]Yolo v. Swag

Yolo being swag^2 was soon discovered to be very hazardous and dangerous. The amount of brain decay increases exponentially with the amount of Yolo one has, leading to a slight case of severe brain damage. Swag on the other hand is far safer and causes very little brain damage if any at all. However, since yolo is much easier to acquire, many people resort to using it instead of swag to boost their bacons, but fail to realize that soon it amounts to enough to go over the Connery Constant, leaving them retarded and with very little bacons. As Swag Theory evolved it was discovered that Yolo quickly led to extreme cases of douchebagery while swag created none at all. Yolo appeared to cross the Douche Bag Constant, coined by Professor McCavit in 2012, while swag never did, even though it gets close to it, it will never pass due to Yolo-Douchebag Law. The Yolo-Douchebag Law states that in order to become a douche bag Yolo must be used. This was proven when Dr. Cain was doing precise calculations to see when each, Yolo and Swag, would cross the Douche Bag Constant. Yolo reached it after just 10 yolos whereas the closer Swag got, the smaller the amount it went up by making swag never able to cross the Douche Bag Constant. Swag can, however, reach the Bitch Ratio. The Bitch Ratio is when Bacons over Connerys is a negative number. Everyone below this ratio, without exception, is a bitch.

Yolo v. Swag Brain Decay. [edit]Swag Theory in Media

Swag Theory has proven that the Dos Equis man in the commercials is so epic because of his level of swags. He is barely below the Connery Constant keeping his bacons at an incredible 2478.