User:Seabuckthorn/sandbox (GAN final review)

Freedom from Fear
WP:LEAD: ✅


 * Fix Lead (WP:BETTER).
 * The opening paragraph should clearly explain the subject so that the reader is prepared for the greater level of detail that follows. I recommend the following revision:
 * Freedom from Fear is the last of the four most well-known oil paintings produced by the American artist Norman Rockwell that were based on the four goals called the Four Freedoms enunciated by the President of the United States Franklin D. Roosevelt in his State of the Union Address delivered on January 6, 1941. The series also called the Four Freedoms was published in the March 13, 1943 Issue of The Saturday Evening Post alongside an essay by a prominent thinker of the day Stephen Vincent Benét. The painting is generally described as depicting the American children being tucked in by their parents during the The Blitz.

WP:LAYOUT: ✅


 * Fix short paragraphs (MOS:PARAGRAPHS). Paragraphs should be short enough to be readable, but long enough to develop an idea. Short paragraphs and single sentences generally do not warrant their own subheading. Rearrange the content so that subheadings with short paragraphs are minimized.
 * Fix short paragraphs in Description section.
 * Fix short paragraphs in Production section.
 * Fix short paragraphs in History section.
 * Fix section Themes. The paragraph is too short.

Freedom of Worship
WP:LEAD: ✅


 * Fix Lead (WP:BETTER).
 * The opening paragraph should clearly explain the subject so that the reader is prepared for the greater level of detail that follows. I recommend the following revision:
 * Freedom to Worship or Freedom of Worship is the second of the four most well-known oil paintings produced by the American artist Norman Rockwell that were based on the four goals called the Four Freedoms enunciated by the President of the United States Franklin D. Roosevelt in his State of the Union Address delivered on January 6, 1941. [1] . This painting was considered as the most successful of the series by Rockwell along with Freedom of Speech. The series also called the Four Freedoms was published in the February 27, 1943 Issue of The Saturday Evening Post alongside an essay by a prominent thinker of the day Will Durant. [2]

WP:LAYOUT: ✅


 * Fix short paragraphs (MOS:PARAGRAPHS). Paragraphs should be short enough to be readable, but long enough to develop an idea.
 * Fix short paragraphs in Description section.
 * Fix short paragraphs in Production section.
 * Fix short paragraphs in Critical review section.

Vedaranyam March
WP:LEAD:


 * Fix First sentence (WP:LEADSENTENCE).
 * Definition and notability should be in the first sentence (WP:BETTER). Single-sentence paragraphs should be minimized (MOS:PARAGRAPHS). I recommend the following revision:
 * The Vedaranyam March or Vedaranyam Satyagraha of April 1930 was organised to protest the salt tax imposed by the British Raj in India and was the second of its kind following the Dandi March organised by Mahatma Gandhi, [1][2] under the Civil Disobedience Movement. The march was led by a group of 100 volunteers from the Indian National Congress (INC) under the leadership of C. Rajagopalachari—often referred to as "Rajaji". It began at Trichinopoly (now Tiruchirappalli) and ended in Vedaranyam, a small coastal town in Tanjore District. [3] By collecting salt directly from the sea, the marchers broke the salt law. Rajaji spoke to people along the march's route about the importance of Khādī, issues of 'social disabilities' (cast discrimination) and civil disobedience. The campaign ended on 28 April 1930 when the participants were arrested, following which Rajaji was imprisoned for six months.

WP:LAYOUT:


 * Use a different more neutral heading for section Aftermath (MOS:BODY).
 * Fix single-sentence paragraphs (MOS:PARAGRAPHS). The number of single-sentence paragraphs should be minimized. Fix the single-sentence paragraph in the section Aftermath "A fortnight later, Rajaji was transferred From the Trichinopoly prison to Madras, then to the Bellary Central Jail". Fix the single-sentence paragraph in the lead "The campaign ended on 28 April 1930 when the participants were arrested, following which Rajaji was imprisoned for six months."

3a:


 * The article is very short; compare to Salt March. I think more information about the march and its place in Indian history could be added.

Tyus Jones
1a:


 * There needs to be a space between "of the prior five years." and "On November 11".
 * Where the article says "over state powerhouses DeLaSalle — featuring Reid Travis — and Hopkins", there should not be spaces around em-dashes.
 * Abbreviations like "ppg." and "apg." should be spelled out or linked.

WP:LEAD:


 * Fix First sentence (WP:LEADSENTENCE).
 * Definition and notability should be in the first sentence (WP:BETTER). I recommend the following revision :
 * Tyus Jones (born May 10, 1996) is an American basketball player who is ranked among the top 5 players in the national class of 2014 by Rivals.com, Scout.com and ESPN. [1][2][3] He is a Minnesota State High School League (MSHSL) Class 4A state champion, two-time Minnesota Associated Press Boys Basketball Player of the Year and two-time Minnesota Boys Basketball Gatorade Player of the Year. He is playing his senior season for Apple Valley High School during the 2013–14 season. He has given a verbal commitment to the Duke University men's basketball team as a package with Jahlil Okafor and will be a freshman for the 2014–15 team.


 * Fix Length (WP:LEADLENGTH). Lead can be expanded to reflect more information detailed in the body.

WP:LAYOUT:


 * Fix Headings and sections (MOS:BODY).
 * Use a different heading for section Early life. I recommend High school.
 * To improve the flow of the prose, I recommend removing Heading 4 2013 offseason.

George Campbell
WP:LEAD:


 * Fix First sentence (WP:LEADSENTENCE).
 * Definition and notability should be in the first sentence (WP:BETTER). In order to provide a clearer and more informative introduction to the nonspecialist reader, I recommend the following revision
 * George Campbell IV is an American football player who plays at positions of safety, defensive end and wide receiver and who is rated as the second best player by ESPN and as the second best wide receiver by Scout.com in the national high school class of 2015. He is a junior at East Lake High School during the 2013-14 school year and has committed to play for Michigan Wolverines football. He has also accepted an invitation to participate in the 2015 Under Armour All-America Game.


 * Fix Length (WP:LEADLENGTH). Lead can be expanded to reflect more information detailed in the body.

WP:LAYOUT:


 * Fix Headings and sections (MOS:BODY).
 * Use a different heading for section Early life. This section hardly has anything before 2011 so the early is not appropriate.


 * Very short or very long sections and subsections in an article look cluttered and inhibit the flow of the prose. I recommend breaking up text in the Early life section and organizing content into separate sections.


 * Fix section Personal (MOS:PARAGRAPHS). The number of single-sentence paragraphs should be minimized. Short paragraphs and single sentences generally do not warrant their own subheading. Either this section should be merged into the previous section, or else more information on the personal life should be added.

Selina Meyer
WP:LAYOUT:


 * Fix section Personal life (MOS:PARAGRAPHS). The number of single-sentence paragraphs should be minimized. Short paragraphs and single sentences generally do not warrant their own subheading. Either this section should be merged into the previous section, or else more information on the character's personal life should be added.

WP:WTW:


 * Puffery (WP:PEA)
 * Use a different heading for section Critical acclaim. Many FAs on fictional characters refer to "Reception" or "Critical reception", which would be more neutral.


 * Synonyms for said (WP:SAY)


 * Fix "Parker further notes that". What follows is his interpretation, so a verb like "assesses" or "opines".
 * Fix "Laura Bennett of The New Republic notes". This is really an opinion.