User:Seattleair/Stirrup spout vessel/Obergj Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

SeattleAir


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * No draft found.
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Stirrup spout vessel

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

The lead looks good so far though it could maybe be condensed into one paragraph as each paragraph seems to not make sense without being placed together. For example, the starting sentence of the second lead paragraph would work much better as a third sentence or as a continuation of the second sentence in the first paragraph. A lot of the sentences in the Moche Culture and Stirrup Spout Vessels section are overly wordy or just not complete sentences that could be merge with the previous sentences. More generally, pretty much every paragraph only has one citation in it and that could definitely be improved by adding more citations backing up the information already written. The Erotic Moche Ceramics section could use a full rewrite/look over as nearly every sentence is fragmentary and the last two sentences seem to be irrelevant. Looking at the Moche Ceramic Fineline Painting section the first section seems to be a rewritten version of the link and there is also a reference to a picture that was deleted due to lacking a license to use, An excellent example of this can be found in a Moche stirrup spout vessel which is known as the Presentation Theme (seen in the figure to the side). The third and fourth paragraphs also has the same problem of sentence fragments that previous sections had. Finally the citations have the same link appear 4-5 times, I don't know if you can merge them into one citation but that would make it look much clearer.