User:Sebastian Brockell

I don’t know what to do at this point, I really don’t. Right now I have this awful feeling in my stomach. I’m so afraid. I feel like this more and more often. Like this and the frustration I mentioned before. And I hate it. I HATE it. Please don’t think that I like feeling this way, that I want to. I don’t, okay? I fucking HATE it. That anger is happening again. And again. I sort of grab my face as well.

The other day at work, I almost started crying. I was crying. It didn’t last long but it’s the first time that I can recall it manifesting itself at work. I hate myself is what I hate. I can’t fucking stop feeling this way, FUCK. The suggestion that I enjoy it or am comfortable with it causes even more pain. I just felt so lonely, it overcame me. Not having any friends or a girl or the possibility of either probably contributed.

I don’t have any friends, I don’t. I tell myself that all the time, I’m telling myself that right now. So I am a terrible, ungrateful person. People who say that are my friend, people who probably are my friends. Thinking the way I do is such a shitty thing to do to these people. I am a sack of shit. People who truly say they care and give every indication that they mean it, I still say that I have no friends. I can only hope and pray that they can forgive me. I’m sick. Please forgive me. But I don’t know if they will. People hate me, they fucking hate me. I ask for forgiveness and I turn right around and say that they hate me. I am a sack of shit.

According to facebook I have 232 friends at present. Facebook lies or at least that number does. I look at all of those people on my list and compare them to myself. Check out the number of photos I have. Very few compared to everyone else and many of those I do have are ones that I posted myself and tagged myself. I have no friends. Look at other people’s ‘wall’.