User:Seburr/Elsie Widdowson/Pkayku Peer Review

General info
Seburr
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Seburr/Elsie Widdowson
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Elsie Widdowson

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead

I think the lead is concise, although it doesn't give a whole overview of the article. There is not much difference between the original and the edit, aside a grammatical error in the edit. You might want to look at that.

Article body

I think it is great that you split sections to include the career section.

Early life

Great changes to second paragraph, makes it easier to read, follow and understand the information being communicated.

Career

The original article mentions the "prestigious college" by name, which is relevant information but your edit does not. The use of "struggled" connotes impartiality and can be suggestive to the reader to feel a certain way. The original article does well with using a neutral tone. The original article also includes more information about the work of Elsie Widdowson. If this draft is meant to add onto the article, then I think it is a great start. However, if it is meant to replace the existing article, I suggest more information should be added to improve the draft and the original article.

Legacy

This is a great addition to this section as it offers new, relevant information.