User:Seongyeon Song/Alejandro Zohn/Elvan302 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Seongyeon Song


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Seongyeon%20Song/Alejandro_Zohn?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Alejandro Zohn

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead : Your starting sentence improves some things from the original like the addition to the main subject's name and reducing the birth and death dates to be more concise. I believe that you should at least find more information on his early life before becoming an architect and see if there is anything that influenced him to become an artist.

The second sentence in your second paragraph should be split into two sentences since it drags the information and unnecessarily combines two points together. You could introduce the first point, end it, and then move onto your next point. Other than that, you definitely included important information about the artist's educational background and improved on the original by describing other degrees he obtained.

Content :


 * Architectural Style : Adding this section seems like a good idea to me because you explained how the artist's way of creating art is broken down into mathematics and its significance to architecture as a whole. This greatly includes more information on how his style works in general rather than the original article explaining one work of his.
 * Work : I like that you created a list of his works and their description in order to give viewers an easier time to view specific works and learn any of them individually. The "Mercado Libertad" should include information on Alejandro's involvement like the other three works, so that it can remain consistent.

Tone and Balance : You wrote in a manner that did not seem to be biased towards anything and I did not spot any details that showed that you supported, or hated, certain information.

Sources : I did not see this until I clicked on your links, but I noticed that most of your information, mainly the "Work" section, is taken straight from the original source word for word. I highly suggest that you should look through some of the training exercises and work on not plagiarizing. I know how hardworking you can be from what I have seen in other classes that we took together, so I know that you can definitely come up with words that do not copy from the source.

Organization : You are concise and straight to the point with everything. There is nothing that feels extended, or under informed. You even separated each section with all of the right details in each one. One small grammar error that I saw is the part "ending the civil engineering degree in 1955" and I think that you should include "ending 'with' the civil engineering degree" to show that he earned it.

Overall : Most of your content seems great. You had an educational background included, an in-depth analysis on his technique and skills, and even a list on the various works he created. Some concerns that I have mostly involves your use of sources because of how it is basically plagiarism. If you are able to find enough information to support what you are trying to say about the information in your article, then you should be able to revise your draft so that it does not include plagiarized material anymore.