User:Sh1539/Genetic discrimination/ReedNatalie Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sh1539


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Sh1539/Genetic_discrimination&action=edit&section=3


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.) The third sentence in the first paragraph is an incomplete sentence. The fourth sentence in the first paragraph is a bit confusing, should maybe be broken up into different sentences. Sentence five in paragraph two needs clarification. Reiterate what these people were prevented from accessing. Consider splitting sentence six in paragraph two into two sentences. Sentence one in paragraph four is confusing, may want to edit for clarity. Error in last sentence of paragraph seven, "being, keeping up" doesn't make sense. Error in sentence four, paragraph eight, "while may be" need a subject, probably "there". Error in sentence six, paragraph ten, incomplete sentence.

Overall, make sure that each sentence has a citation. Also make sure the language used is unbiased, neutral or backed by facts/sources.