User:ShaneRollins3/Quidditch/NatalieV10 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

ShaneRollins3


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:ShaneRollins3/Quidditch


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Quidditch

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead- The writer shares in his sandbox that there will be no changes to the lead. The lead will not share the early history of how the game came to be. I think a little blurb can be added on the early development and history of the game. Otherwise, the lead is concise and gives an overview of will be shared in the article.

Content- The content is relevant to the article. The content is as up-to-date as it can be. I assume most of the info comes from the book Quidditch Through the Ages by J.K Rowling. I would change the sentence where the witch Gertie Kettle despised the game and just go straight towards describing and explaining the leather ball. Maybe add that she was the first to observe and write about the game.

Tone & Balance- What Shane has written is very factual with no hint of being bias. I think was is stated is also well represented, there is not too little or too much information about one thing.

Sources & References- In Shane's personal sandbox, the format for references is not correct and what is written is not cited with the little "[1]" icons. For the article, the reference is part of a bibliography, so no link. I was able to find a free pdf and look over the book and saw the content accurately reflects what the cited source says in chapter 3.

Organization- What Shane has written is well done. It's concise and clear. Some easy fixes in what the author has written is whether to capitalize or lowercase some words. The flow of the paragraph goes well when explaining each item and how they changed as the game become more apparent to the wizard world. I think this will go well with the overall section in the article. It sounds like the writer wants to add the paragraph to be the first part of the paragraph. I may be wrong. I think it may be better to add after J.K Rowling's thoughts and before the Game progression sub-section of the development section.

Images & Media- Shane does not have any images in his sandbox. It may be appropriate to add an image and caption from the reference book, if possible. Looking at the book, it has a image of the bird which was once used in the early games until they were endangered. That could be interesting to add as it also shows the similarities to what is used now.

Overall Impressions- I think the content added will make the article more complete. It tells more about the history of the game which many Harry Potter fans are interested in. The strength of the content added is that it also shows the development of such a game to make it more realistic. Its creating more of a balance in the article between the real-world information (how J.K. Rowling made the game) and the fictional world with the reference book. The content could be improved if other information from different parts of the reference book was added. It may be good to see if there are any similarities or differences from the book which may be added to what is written.

Peer Reviewed by Natalie V.