User:Shanleighkirk/Sugarcane/Marissaokum Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Shanleighkirk


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I love the choice of article- it is great to see that you are adding the environmental impacts to the existing article. I certainly learned a lot that I did not know from reading you draft! A few notes:

Clarity: Overall, I think this article is very clear- the concepts are explained in a concise and accessible way, and there are very few grammatical errors. There a few small things to improve upon. The sentence "...result in a range of environmental issues, including eutrophication." could use the addition of another possible environmental issue. The sentence "as a result of this, the production of sugarcane requires heavy water consumption" could be removed, as it is a little repetitive. I would also edit this sentence as follows: "due to the large quantity of water that is required, which often exceeds rainfall levels, sugarcane cultivation heavily relies on irrigation." Otherwise, this additions clarity is very strong!

Structure: The addition flows really well- I would maybe put pollution first, but I think its well structured as-is.

Balanced Coverage: There is a good balance in the writing of each environmental impact. I would suggest adding more examples from other countries, and maybe speak on the ways that the environmental issues are being/could be mitigated.

Neutrality: The facts are generally well-presented without taking sides, despite discussing the negative impacts of sugarcane- something that is not easy to do. I would, however, avoid using words like negative within the article, and instead focus solely on the facts. For example, instead of saying that soil compaction negatively impacts invertebrates only state how it impacts them.

Sources: strong, relevant sources. I would suggest adding one or two more current sources in addition to the ones you already have.

Suggestions for improvement: Overall, this is a very strong addition to your chosen article. I have made a few suggestions above, such as adding in how environmental impacts can be mitigated, that I believe would really complete the addition! I look forward to reading the final product. Marissaokum (talk) 21:52, 3 March 2023 (UTC)