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= Psalms and Proverbs of the Résumé = Psalms and Proverbs of the Résumé (also spelled “Psalms and Proverbs of the Resumé or Resume) is the Resumaster’s 88 teachings and words of wisdom compiled into a single volume by Jackson Reznick. The full Psalms and Proverbs of the Résumé are available below.

Full Volume
By the grace of the Resumaster himself, we are graciously allowed to put the whole volume of Psalms and Proverbs of the Résumé here on Wikipedia. Without further ado: the full Psalms and Proverbs of the Résumé are available below:

''Long before time and your socks’, there was a traveler on the metaphysical plane. He was foolish and unenlightened. He was known as the Resumé. When he created the multiverse, he was thinking only of his own entertainment. But as time went on he realized that the creatures of his favorite planet (colloquially dubbed ‘Earth’ and ‘Homo sapiens’ respectively) were even more foolish than he. So the Resumé uprooted himself from the Ancestral Tree and left to traverse the multiverse. He amassed great knowledge in this journey. From then on he was known as the Resumaster, the keeper of arcane knowledge and magical lore, the wisest of the living caterpillars. This is that knowledge compiled into one single list; the Psalms and Proverbs of the Resumé!''


 * 1) “The volleyball, whether he be a volleyball or not, wears a baseball cap.”
 * 2) “You can only die if you stop living.”
 * 3) “For every tooth gone, two more mystical idols shall take its place. It’s painful but true”
 * 4) “Within the peppercorn, a baby lemur lies dormant.”
 * 5) “Raisin bran crunches beneath the feat of the Time Lord.”
 * 6) “Stay true to your purple dinosaur, and you will never be led astray.”
 * 7) “Living with formaldehyde unleashes the Under Jimmy.”
 * 8) “With the arrival of interdimensional spaghetti comes the panda bear.”
 * 9) “Our metaphysical journey is scattered with doggies.”
 * 10) “Remember… The watermelon only shines but once a day.”
 * 11) “Kiwi lives as kiwi grows.”
 * 12) “Baron McGeraldine yearns to be a yobshrimp, but he is only a sea cucumber at heart.”
 * 13) “The lysosome is only as happy as his comrade’s voice.”
 * 14) “Rat droppings are the signs that the end time are nigh.”
 * 15) “Believing and beatboxing are different ends of the banana.”
 * 16) “Jumper and camel, lizard and cardigan, the asterisk is the warning.”
 * 17) “Getting past the smooth endoplasmic reticulum is a whole new deal.”
 * 18) “You only roll a nine on a d20 one-twentieth of the time.”
 * 19) “Edgar Allan Poe lives within the oyster’s vibraphone.”
 * 20) “Make the onion last. Perryville shall not wait any longer.”
 * 21) “Cut out a dormitory from a euglena, and you have yourself a merry little mustache.”
 * 22) “Prior to his release from incarceration, the Master Overlord instituted many distinct reforms.”
 * 23) “A declaration of grandmotherhood is near as interplanar as a soft-bellied red dragon.”
 * 24) “To say the fish is to win the cheeseburger.”
 * 25) “Once you enter the Underworld, you cannot return to the flagellum’s grasp.”
 * 26) “Ballistic missiles can’t stop you unless you are mortal.”
 * 27) “The tin can shines bright as day.”
 * 28) “The ideal occupation for one like Odysseus is flipping burger patties.”
 * 29) “Nuclei prefer the original tuba manufacturers, rather than the crusty sweaters.”
 * 30) “Planetary studies will aid your time as a french fry.”
 * 31) “To run is to play saxophone; you can only do it if the german shepherd is barking.”
 * 32) “Marty is as happy as the Silk Road.”
 * 33) “Obey the will of the Green One or you shall suffer the terror of the oranges of wrath.”
 * 34) “Flossing is to alligators as exercise is to blobfish.”
 * 35) “Pumpkins make good accountants.”
 * 36) “Beedle bones are like good friends.”
 * 37) “Without wetting the reed, it is near impossible to read the works of Herman Melville.”
 * 38) “2 seconds is a lifetime in a worm's hair.”
 * 39) “They didn’t have iPads in the time of Ghengis Khan’s kitten.”
 * 40) “In the land of Ninjago, only the soldier aunt is safe.
 * 41) “J.P. Sousa lived through many years, but none as strenuous as 1743.”
 * 42) “Adhesive tape’s method books’ charismatic attitude earns them many admirers.”
 * 43) “The conglomeration is only as strong as it most powerful anarchist.”
 * 44) “A trombone playing forte is like eating brussels sprouts. It only needs to happen one time.”
 * 45) “Concert D minor is chocolate fudge mouse.”
 * 46) “The faux leather ligature is a bully to Yamaha trumpets.”
 * 47) “Live by the G sharp, not the A flat.”
 * 48) “Homunculi are very not kind.”
 * 49) “Beach towels are meant for the immortal lasagna only.”
 * 50) “The third dimension is the dwelling place of the schnitzel.”
 * 51) “Double reeds are the honky-faced silly goose's counterpart.”
 * 52) “Offerings and sacrifice to the Resumaster are the DQ to the lactose intolerant.”
 * 53) “The water-hat flies on the wings of Time, albeit with much fun.”
 * 54) “Crawfish that metamorphosize into golems are your sympathizers.”
 * 55) “The Grandmas Association meet in the fifth dimensional Garden of Life.”
 * 56) “Valved grotesques rest easy within the bed of locking doors.”
 * 57) “To live as they did in the hut is to run along the Lake of Youth in your shirt.”
 * 58) “Look yonder, for there is no head nor tail of the pirate’s henchman.”
 * 59) “Quoth the raven; ‘3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971…!’”
 * 60) “Invoking the wrath of Curious Jorge brings its repercussions.”
 * 61) “If you fail a Dexterity check, you failed a Dexterity check.”
 * 62) “Call it what it is… A pure load of toadstool pie and mosquito toes.”
 * 63) “Angering the Resumaster himself is foolish, for his power is unrivaled.”
 * 64) “Sven the swan is the avenger of the Resumaster’s wrath.”
 * 65) “The baritone burlap sack is the biggest and sorest loser.”
 * 66) “Julius Caesar made a salad”
 * 67) “I am the eggman! I am the eggman! I am the walrus!”
 * 68) “Sharps are better, save for E flat and B flat.”
 * 69) “When 10,000 people bow to a neon god they made, it's time to get a new toaster.”
 * 70) “You must think before joining a caravan of wandering theater actors.”
 * 71) “The hairy nonconvex great rhombicosidodecahedron is a pointy little guy.”
 * 72) “A donkey in the hand is worth two in the hedge.”
 * 73) “The warlock’s bombardment of the Sistine Chapel ended solely in juice boxes.”
 * 74) “Smelling parmesan cheese leads to inevitable knighthood.”
 * 75) “Live by the math book; die by the manifestation of centaurs in plungers.”
 * 76) “Acute antidisestablishmentarianism is the leading cause of severe antidisestablishmentarianism.”
 * 77) “Nobel Peace Prize is only valuable if you have a head to leave in your metal vise.”
 * 78) “Tim the Birdie is not a nice soul, but he will provide aid in times of need.”
 * 79) “There are two types of people: the believers; and the Sith lords.”
 * 80) “Troglodytes are all for the theocratic oligarchy.”
 * 81) “The walrus Jimbo is legally certified as the Walrus.”
 * 82) “The technical rocket is not an aquaman any longer.”
 * 83) “To breathe air is for only the air breathing.”
 * 84) “Du bist nicht nett.”
 * 85) “ ‘Honk,’ says the french horn.”
 * 86) “Smacking is the answer to all food-related quarrels.”
 * 87) “Knights combine cavalry and the footsoldiers.”
 * 88) “Hkjkjhkhfdskjfsdnldsfkdsfhhjfdshjkfdshjkdfshkj.”

Analysis
The Resumaster’s ultimate power is only rivaled by his immense and undeniable wisdom. Masterpieces of literature each in their own right, every psalm and every proverb is a testament to the glory of literature.