User:ShawnInnocent99/Environmental impact of the petroleum industry/Pavneetah Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

ShawnInnocent99


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:ShawnInnocent99/Environmental impact of the petroleum industry
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Environmental impact of the petroleum industry

Lead Section
No lead section was drafted for the article. The drafted section will be pat of the Local and regional impacts of petroleum industry.

Content
The text is an important addition but since its under the impacts section, as a reader I would like it to focus more on the impacts of produced water. The text does talk about it in the last few sentences, however I believe there should be more details. For example, mentioning the presence of PAH and how it impacted water ecosystem was a good idea. You can perhaps talk about the environmental impacts of brine itself, it has very high salt concentrations which can damage vegetation. Along with that, the subheading also mentions drilling waste which is not mentioned in the paragraph.

Tone and Balance
The text is free of suggestive wordings which would introduce the writers opinions. The text highlights the negative impacts which is in line with the broader section of the article. Like I mentioned above the text focuses more on the contents of the produced water which could possible be taken out and perhaps made into its own section. Breaking up the sections would make the text more balanced and flow better within the broader article.

Sources and References
The sources are all reliable and come from either scientific articles or the Government of Canada and all links are working. The text takes into account a diverse range of perspectives through the selection of a wide range of references none of which are repeating. All the information in the text is cited.

Organization
The draft needs editing and grammar check as some of the sentences are awkward to read and do not flow. In particular, the first sentence is difficult to understand and the word "discharge" is overused which makes the sentence confusing. The organization of the paragraph is good as it starts with what the PW contains and then goes into its impacts.

Overall Impression
Overall the draft is an addition to the local and regional impacts of petroleum industry and focuses on how Produced water impacts the environment. I would like to see more details about the impacts, locally near a drilling site and also how far they stretch. The paragraph gives a good general overview about the subject but lacks depth. The draft would benefit greatly from editing and grammar check as there are some awkward sentences.