User:ShoeKingFearMe

Big Wheel

The modern day example of a 'big wheel' is hotly disputeed among world renowed experts. The general consensus is that a big wheel invokes both fear and lust into the souls of women everywhere.

Classification

A big wheel is classifed as someone who constantly wheels men, women, and children, without any conscious effort. They will commonly be seen surrounded by many women, as well as some interested men. If you suspect someone is a big wheel you may hear them say: "I tapped that", "I only slayed 23 this weekend", "Her mother invited me on a date."

Criteria

There are 8 main criteria that a person must fill in order to be considered a big wheel
 * 1) Large, horse like hammer - The general rule of thumb is that if it makes most grown men cry in self pity when they lay their beedy eyes upon it, then you fit the criteria
 * 2) Odour of an Angel - Most big wheels have a very distinct scent. The most common scent among big wheels is that of "Abercrombie Fierce" cologne. When wearing said scent woman will able to sence the presecne of the big wheel. HOWEVER, this scent may not be purchased at an Abercrombie & Fitch store. It is aquired at birth, and cannot be developed later in life. On April 16th, 2002, Dr. Rumen delivered a big wheel at birth. He found the scent so overwhelmingly beautifull that he cut off his own nose for fear that he would never smell somehting like it again.
 * 3) Stature - The majority of Big Wheels are well over 6 feet tall. They have a strong build, capable of lifting a car abouve their head if they so desired. Although a big wheel may not be the most physical attraive, or "jacked" males, they have an aura surrounding them. When a wheel walks into the room they are almost like a magnet and women are pulled towards them.
 * 4) Confidence - A big wheel knows he can easily get women. He does not try, it just happens. They will often be heard boasting about recent kills, and of how many fiances they have stolen.
 * 5) Teeth - Large, white teeth are must. The bigger the tooth, the bigger the wheel.
 * 6) Hair - Short and dark spiky hair is common. They do not need to sport a blonde fauxhawk and look like a dooche.
 * 7) Intelligence - Easily smarter than anybody within a 500 mile radius. Contrary to popular belief it was actually a big wheel who vreated the Theory of Relativity, as opposed to Albert Einstein. A Big Wheel is also responsible for the invention of the airplane.
 * 8) Constant Wheeling - The final and most important criteria for a Big Wheel is that of constant wheeling. A Big Wheel has never been heard saying "Aw man, I'm too tired to go clubbing tonight." Oh no, a big wheel goes out each and every night, and slays at least 4 bitties. You will often see them with a women around each arm. As mentioned before, a Big Wheel does not try to wheel women, it just happens because they are awsome.

If you suspect that you are a Big Wheel because you meet all of these criteria, then think again. You cannot become a Big Wheel, you are born one! There are specific Big Wheel training camps which one may attend in hopes of becoming more like a Big Wheel (more on this later).