User:SiegalSchwall70/Alcmaeonidae/JumpOffsides Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

SiegalSchwall70


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SiegalSchwall70/Alcmaeonidae?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Alcmaeonidae

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead: I like your additions to the lead giving an overall cursory review of the 2 to 3 centuries involvement of the Alcmaeonidae clan in ancient Greece. You wrote 7th and 5th centuries so I wasn't sure if you wanted to include the 6th century as well. The wording implies that the 6th century is skipped, but since they got rid of Peisistratos and sons, I'm sure you mean to include the 6th century as well. If possible and if you are looking for stuff to add, you could mention who the Alcmaeonidae's rivals were, whether it is another group or family. I believe you mention Isagoras later vs Cleisthenes, but in the summary/lead, you could mention their chief opposition and if it's not really known in certain time frames, you could say that too.

Content: Again, I like your additions of the key Alcmaeonidae individuals and their accomplishments added to the original Wikipedia article. Down in the family tree diagram section, it is mentioned that some names are used more than once and it is confusing because I found that during my research on Peisistratos, spending a fair amount of time trying to figure out who was who and how they fit together. So, for Megacles, you could add son of Alcmaeon where he was referenced in article although they just trade back Alcmaeon and Megacles for several generations. However, in the first and second paragraphs of the Article Body section, I believe you are referencing two different Megacles, but to the casual reader, they might think they are the same guy. Perhaps a more detailed explanation of the genealogy of the Alcmaeon and Megacles' names in that era might provide some clarity, using son of or married to or the archon during this year (just brainstorming). Also, can you elaborate on the Alcmaeonidae curse and what it means with a few sentences early in the Article Body section? Maybe the JSTOR database in the WWU library online search engine could help with details on the curse, by finding journal articles that reference and analyze the curse. For Cleisthenes, since he was the father of Athenian democracy, it would appear he beat the curse and was a positive force in Athens for sure. You could insert some more details on his accomplishments and how he started and organized the democracy. Same for Pericles by referencing his building programs, his funeral oration, pay for jurors, etc...

Organization: I like your additions of Pericles and Alcibiades as key people in the 5th century and the view of Pericles' reign as leader being the Age of Pericles. Perhaps you could break-up the Article Body section into sub sections, either by 7th, 6th, and 5th century or by Megacles, as the first notable Alcmaeonidae, Cleisthenes, and then Pericles/Alcibiades together. You may not feel you have enough information for all these sub-headings; maybe you combine into just two sub-headings.

Tone and Balance: Article is neutral in my opinion. You present point and counterpoint on the Persian negotiations and the shield, writing that Herodotus didn't believe it. You also reference the lack of consensus by scholars on this issue by referring to TLH by Strassler. You might want to reference where in TLH; I'm assuming one of the appendices perhaps.

Sources: I tried checking your 2 images sourcing but clicking on the image only took me to the editing feature and I couldn't see if they were pulled from Wikimedia Commons or somewhere else. I definitely didn't want to accidentally edit anything so I didn't poke around too much more. For the family tree, is there a source that has the entire tree listed? If so, I would add that detail right before the chart as a good tie-in and clarity of which source provided the whole chart. I saw some individual footnotes by person from Xenophon and Plutarch, for example, but not sure how or where the entire family tree was obtained. Those first 2 paragraphs in the Article Body section seem like they need footnote references from Herodotus or other sources, if pulled from them.

Images: Good to see the 2 statue images of Pericles and Cleisthenes. I might suggest adding an image of Pisistratus or Peisistratos, since he was a tyrant and a chief opponent (at times). Any images of Megacles available? Also, you could add maps of ancient Greece that highlight the city of Athens or other cities that they are from, if known. When they were exiled, I'm not sure if it was stated where they were banished, but maybe some journal articles have some best guesses based on archaeological evidence or analysis of Herodotus etc... If you decide to add detail on Pericles' building programs, you could insert images of the Acropolis and other relevant buildings.

Thanks and I hope these suggestions were helpful and not too wordy or confusing. I enjoyed looking at your article and examining your new additions to the content.