User:Silly cats/sandbox

 Matthew D. Raley 

Born in 1986 to parents Raymond Rayner and Susan Rayner, Matthew Raley has always been subject to intense criticism for his inherent super-powers. These powers include (but are not limited to) Super-Quick Sandwich Eating (SQSE), Sublime Soda Guzzling (SSG), and Intelligent-Mind Truck Driving and Loader Bucket Spanking (IMTDLBS). Much of the criticism has stemmed from those in his life who envy his abilities, a class of people discontent with their respective career-paths which pale in contrast to his. Many who have studied the life of Matthew D. Raley are convinced it is one of great significance, and likely to result in more global understanding. Some have even gone so far as to suggest that the aforementioned abilities and his careful use of them are likely to lead to a national unification and passification in the style of Ghandi. His most widely quoted statement is "As far as the Pluto is from Jupiter, so far are we from a true understanding of the laws of nature and the laws of the human mind." Praised as having singular vision and good equipment skills, Matthew Raley is a beacon of hope and understanding for future generations, both nationally and internationally.

Origins of Middle Name

The initial D is for Djibouti. This name harkens back to the old slave days which constitute his heritage, one of mixed nationality. This African aspect of his heritage is evidenced by his large lips and ability to jump exceedingly high. In written work, he tends to use his middle initial rather than the entire "Matthew Djibouti Raley". Many African-American philosophers have confessed they feel a strong connection to him due to this heritage and are convinced that he is uniquely qualified to speak about the conflicts inherent in the African-American psyche. Though this support could conceivably give him much confidence, he appears to distance himself from this aspect of his past.

Work History

Due to his super-powers (listed above), Matthew D. Raley had no problems moving up the corporate ladder of the local concrete, paving, and gravel company Reedy Mack. His only challenge in the work arena was interacting with a coworker named "Mousse". Historians are unsure as to what this name refers to: the mammal or the dessert. However, given the spelling, one can only reasonably conclude that he is an avid chocolate enthusiast. Mousse was also gifted with super powers, and these inevitably conflicted with those of Raley. Quick of wit and swearword, Mousse was a menace to all on the workforce of Reedy Mack. Raley found it excessively hard to cooperate with Mousse, but this conflict eventually dissipated due to Mousse losing his whipped status.

Written Work

Among Matthew D. Raley's collected works are such titles as:
 * Heated Hierarchies: Geophysical Relations and Socio-Sexual Hierarchies of the Fire Ants of the East Congo Basin
 * Situations of Danger: Logic and Passion in the Desert
 * Goat Magic: History of the Medicine Men and Women of East Africa
 * Wiggling Warriors: Adventures of the Maasai
 * Snakeshifters: Biography of the Skin-Sellers of the Mousa Ali Mountains
 * Monkey Logic: A Genetic Inheritance Unparalleled
 * Each to His Goat: Photographic Study of Fathers, Mothers, Sons, Daughters, Grandsons, Granddaughters, and Their Goats

His work is praised as "supernaturally wild and ethnically fascinating" and "riveting in its raw intelligence and passion". Though Raley is known to have filled numerous notebooks with writings covering a wide variety of topics, his most widely read books are those concerning Africa.

Notable Quotes:


 * "I wish I had two sandwiches."
 * "Is that a girl?"
 * "Is that a dog?"
 * "Is that mine?"
 * "Yesterday I spanked the bucket."
 * "Just like a truck and pup."
 * "Behind, put your pup behind!"
 * "Mousse!"
 * "Does this truck make me look fat?"
 * "Are you going to finish that soda?"
 * "I wish I could say that Monkey book was second nature to me."
 * "That goat is different."

Relationships

Early Childhood - Some scattered rumors of hardship and lack of ability to connect, other than and not restricted to pounding his parents' smaller male progeny. His sisters would have been bigger influence in his life if he had known about them. He has a much maligned older brother who was equally touched with what is colloquially known as "yard talent" being a natural puller.

Middle Childhood - Started a small band called Interludes of Thought (now a successful recording label known as Diggerlewds) and then was kicked out before its actual inception; more than half of the band shared his exact genetic material and thusly they were biased partiers; the other half of the band said he did not pass the minimum existential humor ratios. He caught the eye of a local gypsy woman who offered him his first opportunity to work with goats and their pups. His "mild" inability to connect with others his age is attributed to his reluctance to use English as a primary language. It is believed that this is the period during which he cultivated the "quiet Matt" persona that later developed into his renowned scholarly wardrobe.

Late Childhood - It was what it was.

Early Manhood - Marriage. He showed his innate intelligence by marrying up socially into a well connected family of well connected people. His young wife showed remarkable tact by encouraging him in his creative endeavors including editing his first five books on goats and addiction. She has demonstrated her devotion to him on several occasions by referring to him as "my husband" in public and has been known to say without flinching: "Where's Matt?" Their wedding was a gaudy affair attended by the social elite of the restricted social class of the highest order. His philosophical endeavors have at times put mild strain on his marriage relationship. Just as Ghandi chidingly said to Mother Theresa "...but you haven't been working all day" Matt has been known to let his pursuit of the the unsullied accurate truth get in the way of his dinner. His adventures abroad while researching for his written works could fill many volumes but now, until his estate has control of, and releases his notes and papers we must patiently wait for the next chapter of his unique life as it unfolds on the world theater.