User:Simpletonhwizcracker

Simpleton H. WizCracker is an American Inventor and Entrepreneurial Icon, born to Phiasco T. WizCracker and Katastrofie M. WizCracker, during a funeral procession, for whom is not adequately documented.

In early childhood Simpleton was curious with educational triumphs like spelling bees. However, after getting stung 472 times, he surrendered the idea of insect intellect. During his teenage years, Simpleton continued pursuing innovation. Unreported sources suggest that Simpleton passionately believed that unconventional wisdom would reap the highest reward. However, much of his study and initiative revealed unimpressive results, except for unfavorable attention from the media—meaning either non-existent or negative (the definition is still unclear). WizCracker is most commonly recognized for his involvement with numerous unlikely and unlucky endeavors like: The Bug Bath Debacle of 1987, The Date Dracula Demise of 1994, and the Find Your Missing Fingers Board Game Debauchery of 2004.

In recent years, however, the WizCracker stumbled onto a discovery that was a saving grace to his generational and historical strings of failure. Instead of launching a product, the WizCracker realized that his intellectual property held a greater promise of value for mankind – the power of competition.

In a non-existing recent interview on The Today Show with Matt Lauer, the WizCracker politely explained his contribution to mankind by surmising,

"In all the failures and throughout the surprises, when competition is applied, performance arises. It's not only for fun, or to spark friendly rage, When people compete, they simply engage.

They engage with their teams, their families and foes. Competitions drive sales, health, and manicured toes. We all should compete, because it raises the bar. Compete here and now, compete near and far."

Unsubstantiated reports elude to reveal that during the interview, Matt Lauer just shook his head in disbelief and left the studio. Massive assumptions would speculate that the news anchor was simply frustrated by Simpleton H. WizCracker's presence.

Other renowned journalists have seemingly mirrored this "frustrated" response, although none of these responses are documented, but speculations have surfaced about Anchor Brian Williams, former host Larry King, and numerous others. There has even been chatter that Simpleton WizCracker met with Vice President Joe Biden in an attempt to create unity between a bipartisan legislative initiative. However, all correspondence has been assumed to be destroyed by White House officials as Simpleton was allegedly politely asked to "Just stop talking."

Currently, The WizCracker is focusing his attention on creating as many competitions as possible – in classrooms, corporations, athletic and fitness organizations, community programs, within families and peer groups, and amidst groups and people who champion his cause – Using the power of competition to accelerate performance.

His correspondence with the media and his mission have become an underground social media movement and "prank." And, although he is the "Butt" of numerous jokes, one former ambassador who wishes to remain anonymous was quoted by un-named sources as saying, "The guy is annoying. But, he has tapped the vein of humanity. Simpleton H. WizCracker has single-handedly exposed the foundational purpose of business, of culture, and of human existence. We exist because we compete. We compete because our own survival and evolution depends on it. This guy deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. And, he just might find himself deserving a space inside an institution."

www.wizcracker.com