User:Sims1109/Harold Amos/Herk0000 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sims1109


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Sims1109/Harold Amos


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Harold Amos

Evaluate the drafted changes
I'm not sure if you put your article changes in a different location or haven't started yet because the sandbox page for Harold Amos article is blank. If you haven't started drafting, I would definitely recommend to get going on that! It can take a decent amount of time to draft the article so make sure not to wait too long before starting.

Looking at the existing article, I see a lot that can be improved. First off, the lead is fairly short and lacks a brief description of the article's major sections. In addition, there are some grammatical errors that could be corrected as well such as the lack of period at the end of the lead. The article's tone does come across as neutral and unbiased, so as long as you keep that up there shouldn't be anything you need to fix in that regard. I would recommend trying to add more information about his military service. Since there is a whole section devoted to it, it seems like there should be more than one sentence. Good luck getting started on this draft, and I am excited to see how your article progresses!