User:SirChrisofKeogh

Sir Chris of Keogh, born Christopher Keogh in Sunderland in December 1975. A gifted child who at the young age of 15 months (A World Record That Still Stands To This Day) could tell the difference between raspberry and strawberry jelly, a feat that was only equalled but not bettered by Xi Xu at the international jelly tasting championship which was held at the astrodome in Houston, Texas in 2004 with 4,500 competitors taking part. Xi Xu was disqualified from the results however because an investigation revealed he wasn't actually Chinese who are members of the jelly tasting family of competitors (J.T.F.C) but was in fact a failed asylum seeker from the wonderful land of Oz and was deemed ineligible as that country only exists in film but Xi Xu refused to believe this and escaped down a rabbit hole closely followed by a large white rabbit holding a large pocket watch who kept muttering that he was late and a blonde haired girl who may or may not have had a ASBO placed upon her, Xi Xu has not been seen to this day. Anyway this page is not about him so let us begin.

I am born, Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. To begin my life with the beginning of my life. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens.

He was born in December 1975, during the worst shortage of instant custard the north of England had ever seen. It was a cold day but this did not stop most north easterners wearing just their shorts and vests to work "Its not that cauld man" was heard throughout the land. After the J.T.F.C triumphed he retired and struggled to find an outlet for his sporting and creative prowess until he discovered at the age of 6 The Roger Moore Invitational Eye Brow Raising Competitive League (R.M.I.E.C.L) which he proved to a natural at the sport, succeeding at several county competitions, winning one national title and finishing 2nd in the world championship 3 years running beaten by the greatest eyebrow raiser Dimitri Popolopovic in the history of the sport. A regular member of the famous Chipper Club in The Sundrland Echo, his photo appeared twice on his birthday. The first time because he fell of a pier and the second time because he was savaged by next doors dog. Years of mediocrity followed during which time he became obsessed with how many new words could create from the words featured on the popular sweets Love Hearts, he went into a priory facility for a six month programme and has now gone 12 years without buying a single packet. He is now the head of intercommunication facilities at the Klingon/Eartican institute based at Hackney University and the worlds foremost expert on the eating habits of scousers and a frequent reviewer of books he hasn't read on the Waterstones website.