User:SirVolos

How to give an instructional speech when, five minutes before class, you just remembered that you had to give the speech. Or as the guys call it, How to “Wing It”.

Hi, I’m Chris Lawler and I’m going to teach you how to give an instructional speech when, five minutes before class, you just remembered that you had to give the speech. Or how to “Wing It” as it is more commonly known. Ladies, you can go ahead and take a nap during my speech, this does not pertain to you. Guys listen up. Step One: You forgot your speech Panic! You forgot to write the speech that you have to give today. It’s 1/3 of your grade! (Start hitting self in head.) How could you forget to do it? It was assigned two weeks ago! Spaz! Run up and down the halls to work off the anxiety. Get a drink of water, take a deep breath and Relax. Make sure you didn’t just leave it somewhere. Check your backpack, locker, binder, and computer files. It’s not there is it? Well now you have two options; you can bury your face into your hands and cry, or you can stand tall in the face of insurmountable odds, take control of the circumstances, and Wing It! Step Two: Make a speech on the spot There is one thing that all speeches have in common, A Topic! So the first thing you need to make your on the spot speech is a Topic. Luckily for you I have three speech topics that are easy to wing. 1)	How to slack off in P.E. and not get caught. 2)	How to fake doing your homework so you can go to the concert that “everyone” is going to. 3)	How to survive being abducted by aliens. You’ll probably have had some experience with one of these topics. If you didn’t write your speech than you have had some experience with the first two. If you have taken part in number three then you probably have an excuse for not writing your speech.	Now write down some things that you can say to make it sound like you know what you are talking about. Things like, “Your parent’s really don’t know how to do your math so write down something that looks complicated so they think you did it.” And “If you complain then the teacher will know that you’re slacking off.” Or “Aliens don’t speak English so pleading for your life won’t help you.” Drop a SHAZAM bomb on the whole thing and you’ll have yourself a speech.	Part Three: Giving the speech	Speak slowly. You are going to be nervous so you will be blabbering at the speed of sound. You will sound stupid to yourself but people will understand you. Avoid saying “Um”. The best way not to say “Um” is to say one of the things you wrote down. It is better to mix up sentences than to say “Um”. Spend half of your speech time showing people how to do something. Show them twice. They will remember it better and you will have half as much speech to give. Another way to waste time is to have the audience go through the steps slowly. Conclusion: Cross your fingers and make a wish Hopefully it worked. But don’t expect a high grade. If you have “Winged It” well then you might pass. Maybe. Ok you won’t get a passing grade. I’m sorry. Ms. Berkley is way too smart to be fooled into thinking that you had a speech prepared. When you didn’t. Next time, write the speech.