User:Sk8trgrl/Cathy Bernheim/Cliopentimento Peer Review

General info
Sk8trgrl
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 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sk8trgrl/Cathy_Bernheim?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
This draft demonstrates that you've done a bit research, but it is quite weak and needs a lot of work. For one, the material is thin on her activism and thought. I do not come away from this entry understanding what her beliefs were or what her activism amounted to. She seems like she was pivotal to the movement in France, and she wrote many books. But your entry does not capture her ideas or movement-building with any substance. Second, the writing is weak and grammatically incorrect throughout. It does not reflect any proof reading. I've tried to point out those issues. Proofread your work carefully. Third, the organization doesn't flow logically and is sloppy. Finally, see my comments below in ALL CAPS BOLD. The sections in bold brackets [ ] I'm suggesting deleting. KM

Overarching Summary:
The French novelist who was born in 1946, was a feminist activist and a strong character in France feminism. '''INCLUDE HER NAME IN FIRST SENTENCE. IF SHE HAS DIED INCLUDE HER DATE/YEAR OF DEATH. IF SHE IS STILL ALIVE DO NOT WRITE ABOUT HER IN THE PAST TENSE''' She was considered to be a pioneer of the  Mouvement de Libération des Femmes (Women’s Liberation Movement). As well has fighting against the patriarchy in France and for women’s rights. ? NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE She was also a member of the Gouines Rouges which was a radical feminist lesbian movement. She [is now an author of] HAS AUTHORED many books [revolving around] DEALING WITH French feminism and the right (FIGHT?) for reproductive rights, gender equality, and against sexual violence as well as the history of it. (HISTORY OF WHAT? REWORD)

Personal Life
Cathy Bernheim is a French novelist and essayist as well as the grand-niece of Professeur Bernheim of the Faculté de Médecine de Nancy. She was born on April 10, 1946 in Saint-Raphaël. Her father was a Jewish resistance fighter and her mother was Catholic; and the religion in which Bernheim was raised. THE LAST PART OF THE SENTENCE DOES NOT MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.

She has admitted that she had recently had a fascination for her Jewish ancestors and specifically with the male ones. This is surprising to her as her previous works have had little to no affection for men. This had to do with the lack of “truth or equality” in male-female relationship according to her. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Quoting “The only way I would have been able to put up with loving men was if I were one myself.” '''THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE. IT IS A SENTENCE FRAGMENT.'''

'''THIS SECTION IS REALLY RANDOM, CONFUSING, AND ODD WHEN WE HAVEN'T YET LEARNED ANYTHING ABOUT HER OR HER IDEAS. IT ALSO BEGS A LOT MORE EXPLANATION. FINALLY, I'M ALSO NOT SURE WHY IT'S IN "PERSONAL LIFE." EITHER DELETE IT OR FLESH IT OUT AND IMPROVE THE WRITING TO MAKE IT MORE UNDERSTANDABLE. MOVE IT LATER IN THE ENTRY.'''

Career
[She is also known to be a feminist activist.] USE HER LAST NAME She can be considered a pioneer of the Mouvement de Libération des Femmes (Women’s Liberation Movement). Founded in 1970, this movement fought against the patriarchy in France, and for women’s rights. The movement was led by nine women, INCLUDING Bernheim [being one of them.] YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN MUCH MORE ABOUT THE GROUP HERE AND ITS HISTORY AND WORK She was also a vital member of the Gouines Rouges - “Red Dykes” a French radical feminist lesbian movement. WHICH DID WHAT?

She is an author, speaker, journalist, editor and activist. THIS INFO SHOULD BE IN THE LEAD, NOT HERE. She translated several English feminist literatures such as autobiographies. She speaks english, French and Italian and used these resources to edit, write and more. Between 1967 to 1969 she worked in cinema, and wrote films in Paris. Later on her life, she became an editor at Prisma Media, a Spanish media and news organizations. She worked there for 25 years, from June 1990 to July 2015.

ALL OF THIS NEEDS TO BE EXPANDED ON AND REORGANIZE

Activism
She is also known to be a feminist activist and is one of the pioneers of the Mouvement de Libération des Femmes and Gouines Rouges.

WHY DOES THIS REPEAT?

Influence

In an interview, Cathy Bernheim states a mantra of French feminists: “One out of two men… is a woman.”

Cathy Bernheim was a very influential figure in the French feminism movement, fighting for gender equality, reproductive rights, and against sexual violence. Her work can be considered unique and truly one of a kind. (THIS IS VAGUE AND SUPERFICIAL EXPLAIN HOW IT IS UNIQUE AND ONE OF A KIND.) In an interview on lesbian liberation and desire by LambdaLiterary, author Renate Stendhal explains that she, "had been looking for years for a book that would recapture that first discovery of women’s condition as the “second sex” (Beauvoir) and as “colonized people” (as French feminists put it). That awakening to everything: a new world vision, a new language, desire and agency, in short, that golden age of women in the late 60s and 70s to the mid-80s. I found only one book that remembered, step-by-step, women’s new thinking and it was a French book: Cathy Bernheim’s Perturbation, My Soeur.” OKAY, THEN EXPLAIN THIS BOOK--WHAT DID IT ARGUE?

Bernheim's influence on French feminism is stark (WORD CHOICE?), and has stretched to include influence over feminism globally. (THIS WORDING MAKES NO SENSE)

Books
Le livre de l'oppression des femmes : (Translation): The Book of the Oppression of Women, Paris, Belfond, 1972

Les femmes s'entêtent : (Translation): Women are Stubborn, Paris, Gallimard, 1975

Le sexisme ordinaire : (Translation): Ordinary Sexism, Paris, Le Seuil, 1979

Perturbation ma sœur. Naissance d'un mouvement : (Translation): Disturbance My Sister. Birth of a Movement 1970-1972, Paris, Le Seuil, 1983

L'amour presque parfait : (Translation): Almost Perfect Love Paris, edition of the Félin, 1991

 L'amour presque parfait : (Translation): Almost Perfect Love Paris, Le Félin, 2003

Dors, ange amer : (Translation): Sleep, Bitter Angel Paris, Seuil, 2005

 Perturbation ma sœur:naissance d'un mouvement de femmes  (Translation): '' Disturbance My Sister. Birth of a Movement 1970-1972'', Paris, Le Félin, 2010