User:Skallasj4863/Maternal death/Ablue888 Peer Review

General info
Skallasj4863
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Skallasj4863/Maternal death
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Maternal death
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Maternal death
 * Maternal death

Evaluate the drafted changes
Nice job! I really like the changes that you all have made. I think this article is now a lot more detailed and it flows well. Most of the suggestions I am going to make will probably be grammatical. I also have some thoughts on possibly creating some sub-headings.


 * I'm not sure I completely understand what you mean by "women's disease" in the first sentence, maybe reword?
 * You use the phrase "The global rate in ____" twice. Maybe change one to, "In ____, the global rate..."
 * I would put a sub-heading between paragraphs one and two since you begin to talk about different countries here instead of an overview
 * In the first sentence of the third paragraph, change "account" to "accounted"
 * In the first sentence of the third paragraph, maybe reword "in the world" to "worldwide"
 * When talking about the decrease in maternal mortality, if you are talking about percentages I would add the word "rate"
 * I would put a sub-heading about ethnicity between paragraphs three and four
 * Instead of "at an ethnic level" I would start the paragraph with a sentence like "Ethnicity also plays a role in maternal mortality. Women who are black..."
 * Add comma after 2014
 * I would add a sub-heading between paragraphs four and five which starts talking about the progress that has been made to decrease mortality
 * I would add a sub-heading about COVID before paragraph six
 * I would move the paragraph about the United States to be up near the paragraph about other countries. Maybe make the U.S. a sub-sub-heading to the Sub-topic of Geography
 * I would add a sub-heading before the last paragraph about the strategy to end preventable death
 * I feel like the end of the last paragraph is missing some citations. Maybe clarify which sources the information is coming from.