User:Skeith666

=Goon=

A rare species that originated from the Rockies in the 1500's. They are giants that can crush an entire village within minutes. They are naturally aggressive and often kill just for fun. They are, however, extremely stupid, and if you were to come across one, just hit it in the head and it will run. When born, the mother usually dies due to a dimensional rift in the vagina that is formed due to the birth of such a large object. Thus, most Goon are born without a mother, and are raised solely by the father. The father does not acknowledge the child's existence, thus making the Goon soft.

=Diet= Their diet consists of:
 * Small Children
 * Human Flesh
 * Poultry
 * Anything edible
 * Anything non-edible

=Appearance=
 * Height- Range from 6'11 at birth and grow to about 8' 5 in adulthood.
 * Weight- roughly 2 tons as an infant and 15 as an adult
 * Wields giant club in one fist and some form of food in the other.
 * Stupid looking.

=Lingo=
 * Arooooo(usually said as a response)
 * Arararah!(usually said when mad and getting ready to go on a rampage)
 * Hey!(usually said when you take its food)
 * Arrrrrrrggghhh! (exclaims this while yawning)
 * Whatcchit ( A warning call)

=Powers= It is also believed that the Goons have extraordinary powers. They are able to lift things ten times their own weight. For example, a baby Goon no more than 3 years of age, exhibited such strength that he was able to bench press 4 cows and a pick up truck.

Another power is the Goon burp. It is an extremely volatile and powerful seismic blast that can level city blocks in a number of seconds. It be best to clear the immediate vicinity when you see a Goon preparing a burp.

The Goon also have signature moves such as the Goon Flop, Goon Smash, and the Goon Maul. To experience one of these would be painful and probably your last few seconds alive. But the most horrible one is the Goon Kill. If you have the unfortunate chance of getting Goon Killed, you will not only feel the wrath of the Goon, but also be ripped apart by the rest of the tribe in a matters of seconds. They will rip you apart limb by limb with their bare teeth. An unpleasant death indeed.

=Goon Enemies= Beware the Nick Mader, for his almighty powers ( and amazingly chiseled body) will kill you in the blink of an eye. He has been known to have killed over 50,000 Goons and is also the supposed reason the Goons left the Rocky Mountains. Not much else is known about this demon/arcane.
 * Nick Mader a.k.a. God, Allah, Moses, Jesus, Odin, Zeus, and some other random ass gods.

=List of Goon Admirers= No one.

=Things the Goons Have Killed=
 * The Dinosaurs-all their food had disappeared, but no one knows why...
 * The Dodo Bird- devoured
 * Incas- devoured by the Goons over a land dispute
 * Pompeii- destroyed by volcano because Goons needed something hot enough for a sauna, so they used the volcano and had to move the rocks, so they tossed them towards Pompeii
 * Atlantis-a Goon arrived, causing it to sink(the Goon mentioned was a fully grown adult at about 16 tons)
 * Pretty much everything else that is extinct or dead.

=Goon Mating Season= Be very wary of a Goon during mating season. Mating season occurs year round and is not a very pleasant time. The Goon will do almost anything for a mate, make a fool of itself, attack its brethren, and even kill. Make sure to keep your distance while near a Goon, preferably, a good 50 meters.

=Myth= There is a myth that every thousand years, a gay Goon is born. It is believed that the Goon that resides in Riverside, New Jersey, is in fact the gay Goon.

=Relation to Cavemen= Distant cousins. They weren't however, contrary to popular belief, the ones who created the club. It was in fact a wondering Goon. He was hungry and found a group of cavemen. After slaughtering all but a small handful, the survivors found the club the Goon left behind. And so is the true story of how the club came to be.

=Random info about the Goon= Full name: ''Goonis maximus'[' Goons free time: Throws cars, truck, and trains. He also eats Defense against the goon: it is recommended you use a goon rifle.

Back in 1995 a goon was kept in the los angles zoo. The zoo keepers forgot to feed the beast that morning. Around 1:02 pacific standard time, a child of 8 years fell over the barricade into the beasts cage. By the time the zoo keepers were able to kill the goon all that was left of the child was a mangled corpse, and some carrot sticks the poor child was holding.

=Related Dumb Shits=
 * The Dydek Clan- a clan of complete fucking retards
 * The Hairless Ones- the ones born with no hair
 * Mondays- were hated and forced to work many years ago, until the new age came, and all they did was complain and NOT work. No one likes them.
 * Tuesday- stink, smell like beans, and talk forever

=Contact=

If you do somehow come in contact with one of these abominations unto god, just keep walking and don't make eye contact. If you by any chance have any food on you, drop it and run.If a Goon does sniff you out just hide behind something right in front of it. They are too gullible to notice where you went.