User:SkinnyMc

The following article will depict the epic life of the one and only Alan McCabe, one of the most influential people in modern history and a true role model for people in every walk of life.

Birth
The birth of Alan was the first major event in his life - in fact, if his birth had not taken place, there would be no Alan McCabe to praise today.

Alan was born on the 7th of July, 1960, in Glasgow, Scotland, and his tragic life began on that very day with his umbilical chord being discovered wrapped around his neck at birth, causing severe brain damage and eventually killing him. Fortunately, it was around this time that the demigod Jesus Christ obtained a grant from the ABDDDDRDPOCC (The Associated Board of Directors Dealing with Dieties, Demigods and Related Deviations in Pagan, Oriental and Christian Cultures) for his second resurrection and succeeded in returning Alan to life an unknown quantity of time after his birth. Upon Jesus' ressurection he was drafted into office as the 35th President of the United States, his term of office beginning on the 20th of January, 1961 and tragically ending with his assassination on the 22nd of November, 1963, in Dallas, Texas. It is thought that Jesus' (Under the title JFK, standing for "Jesus Frickin' Khrist") assassination was the result of a conspiracy, headed by Earl Warren, which later aided in the assassination of various public figureheads, including Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. Alan recovered quickly after his ressurection, as Jesus had not only blessed him with life but had cured him of his brain damage and raised his IQ considerably (Later tests by doctors revealed that the infant had an IQ roughly equivelant to that of Albert Einstein).