User:Sleepvertical/Howl's Moving Castle/Sofiaep23 Peer Review

General info Sleepvertical
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Sleepvertical/sandbox/sandbox
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Howl's Moving Castle

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, your contributions to the Howl's Moving Castle (novel) page are of high quality. Your tone is objective and neutral, you include citations for all of your information, and your language is professional. The additions that you have made about New Mythology are not only relevant, but interesting as well. The audience typically attracted to a Wikipedia page of this nature will likely be drawn to information about the story within the context of New Mythology as it is a new way to analyze the narrative.

While your additions are thorough, accurately cited, and of significant relevance to the topic in question, I do have some suggestions for possible improvements.


 * Your language is objective and scholarly, but some of your verbiage may be too academic for the average person reading the article. It is a reasonable assumption that fellow scholars at the graduate level can digest language and jargon such as "binary typology," "archetype," and "subverts," but this language may be too dense for the average reader. Picking out subverts as a difficult term may be overkill of me, as that is common and people can look it up if necessary. But, it is important to be wary of using too much complex language in one area of your writing and instead weaving such terms sparingly throughout in combination with formal, yet simple language.
 * I think the use of the terms binary typology and archetype are necessary to the information you are providing, but perhaps you could add links to the Wikipedia pages for both. It seems as though a page for binary typology does not exist, so perhaps a quick definition could be incorporated in such a way that it blends seamlessly into your writing but ensures that no one is confused.
 * You do a great job of remaining objective in your tone, but there were a few areas that stood out to me as possible candidates for rephrasing so as to sound less like a claim or argument. Or, you could add opposing viewpoints, if they exist, so as to keep things balanced.
 * "Sophie Hatter is one such heroine who follows this archetype."
 * Could rephrase this to something along the lines of "Proponents of classifying Howl's Moving Castle as New Mythology present Sophie Hatter as one such heroine who follows this archetype."
 * "Rather, it is the loss of her girlhood that empowers Sophie to recover her own agency and start her heroine’s journey.
 * Could this be up for debate? Are there any other reputable sources that argue otherwise, or is there a place in the primary source in which this is explicitly stated or proven in some way? I personally agree with this statement, being familiar with the plot, but could there be a minority that disagrees? An addendum to this statement could make it sound less like a claim, and more like a common analysis that you are sharing. For example, "The majority of scholars agree that it is the loss of her girlhood that empowers Sophie to recover her own agency and start her heroine's journey."
 * Unlike stories of the past, Howl’s Moving Castle presents the role of witch/crone in a heroic light."
 * Could this be considered too subjective, as it is reminiscent of an analytical argument? I feel that labeling how Sophie is presented as "heroic" could be something that is up for argument, despite how accurate this statement may be. Perhaps you could rephrase to include a lead in such as "The commonly accepted assessment is that Howl's Moving Castle presents the role of witch/crone in a heroic light."

Ultimately, you are most familiar with your article and the related subject matter. I do not have the same frame of reference or context as you, so some my suggestions may be inconsequential because of this. I genuinely enjoyed reading through your contributions and found them to be relevant, of interest, and easy to follow. I am excited to see where you go next with these edits!