User:Smi02002/Pattrice jones/Bistr012 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Smi02002


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Smi02002/Pattrice_jones?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Pattrice jones

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

I think there is good information here that captures the reader's attention and gives sufficient background information to introduce the subject.

Content

I think the content of the article is sufficient and interesting to the reader. There is sufficient content on gender theory that relates to the class and a discussion of how intersectionality plays into Jones' activism. Content is relevant and up to date.

Tone and Balance

Overall, I think the tone is good. There are some sections in which Jones' views on veganism are over explained and a bit biased towards veganism. I would work on taking a more neutral approach to Jones' views.

Sources and References

Sources are good solid references to theories surrounding veganism and Jones' views. There are no sources about Jones' personal life and career, which I think could be beneficial to the biography. Otherwise, sources are reliable and solid.

Organization

The article seems a bit unorganized and could benefit from additional sections. I would suggest combining "Activism" and "Career" into one section and perhaps adding a section about Jones' early life and education. Combining the individual stories about her activism might be beneficial and help the article flow better for the reader. Jones' name needs to be capitalized in the title and throughout the article. Overall, content is easy to read and explained thoroughly, though there are a few grammar errors here and there.

Images and Media

N/A

Overall Impressions

In comparing the draft to the original article, I believe good progress has been made in adding context to the individual and working towards bridging the Wikipedia gender gap. I enjoyed reading the article and while there are a few issues with grammar and organization, I believe that the subject is very interesting and the draft was clear to read and information was explained well! I really enjoyed looking at this article!