User:Smurrayinchester/Balderdash!

Synopis
Balderdash! was a BBC sitcom, the pilot of which was produced in 1983. It followed the life of the Crimble Family, who inherit an Off-licence from their eccentric great aunt in the bizarre and equally eccentric town of ‘Fimbley Market’. The family then try to make ends selling drinks to the people of the area, who initial view the Crimble’s with suspicion.

The Off Licence, ‘Main Castle Drinks’, is located in an old Victorian corner shop, surrounded by council flats, a haunted graveyard and two power plants.

Characters

 * Edwina MacFlingbit – Margaret Crimble’s Great Aunt who used to run the Off Licence. She died in a fluke accident when the spring loaded cash till snapped, knocking her off her feet.
 * Margaret Crimble – Edwina’s Great Niece. She inherited nothing but the Off Licence from Edwina, with all Edwina’s wealth going to Peter MacFlingbit, her brother. Margaret has never forgiven him for this fact. Margaret runs the day-to-day sale from the Off Licence, and likes to unwind with bingo.
 * Robert Crimble – Margaret’s husband. He objects to ‘Those blinkin’ weirdos’ who frequent the shop and live in the area. He works as a telephone sanitizer, and as a result smells very strongly of disinfectant.
 * Kevin Crimble –The family’s eldest son. He is engaged to marry Tracy Fliggitsbourgh-Snabbifson, who owns the graveyard across the road. He works as an undertaker by day, and his favourite song is the Beatles ‘Revolution 9’. In his spare time, he is a conspiracy theorist.
 * Louise Crimbe – The daughter of Margaret and Robert, she is a student at Fimbley Market Polytechnic West Campus. She is very clumsy and frequently ends up in hospital with ‘Comic Injuries’.
 * Ken Crimble – The youngest of the family, Ken attends the nearby school St. Mildred’s at Floddlespur-on-Floddle
 * Major Harold Sneiferheimer – A major from the nearby nuclear missile silo, Sneiferheimer is convinced that WWII is ongoing and insists that, because of his German sounding name, people call him ‘Pete’.
 * Nora Flungbug – An old lady from the nearby combined rest-home and sewage works, Nora tends to forget what she wants to buy and instead leave with a bag of Mint Imperials.
 * Chris Anderson – The next door neighbour. He has a habit of panicking and is a part-time klepto- and pyromaniac. He collects Cherry Bakewells.

Plot
Only a pilot was ever produced, the plot of which follows:

Edwina MacFlingbit is sitting in shop by the till when Nora enters. She picks up a bag of boiled sweets and walks over to the till. Edwina opens the till, which snaps and hits her in the stomach. Nora then puts the boiled sweets in the till and leaves holding a bag of Mint Imperials.

The scene then cuts to the family at Edwina’s funeral in the graveyard. The vicar says a few words, and then the family’s solicitor reads the will (still in the graveyard). Edwina asks that her possessions be divided equally between her great nephew and niece. Therefore, all her money and her car (worth a total of £196,000) are given to Peter, while the off-license (worth £200,000) is given to Margaret. The family then has to give Peter another £2,000 in order to make the deal equal.

Hilarity then ensues as Robert and Margaret try to get some wine and SPAM sandwiches for the wake, and accidentally provide wine sandwiches and glasses of SPAM. Disaster is prevented by hiding the food in the airing cupboard upstairs and providing more wine and SPAM sandwiches.

Unfortunately, the Major gets whipped cream on his shirt and goes up to the airing cupboard for a towel, where the wine sandwiches (now turned to a paste by the heat and damp) fall on his head.

At that moment the towns nuclear-raid sirens sound and everybody crowds into the basement. Fortunately it turns out to be a false alarm (but not before Nora does “what I’ve always wanted to do” and taken a bite out of Chris Anderson’s favourite Bakewell). Unfortunately, the door locks from the outside and has locked itself.

The family think back on the events of the episode through Clip Show style flashbacks (which are exaggerated in the favour of the reminiscer), until someone the Major remembers he has some plastic explosive with him. He blows the door open as Kevin exclaims “That was an explosive situation”. The episode then ends.

It should be noted that due to a fault with transmission, the ending credits were accidenting replaced with an early episode of Bill and Ben, The Flowerpot Men.

Series
Only the pilot was ever produced. The executives believed the show was too ‘radical’, when audiences preferred repeats, clichés, hackneyed story lines and repeats. However, the show went down very well with test audiences, which led to the show being repeated every Bank Holiday since Mayday, 1984.

The show did not feature a laughter track since the dubbing staff could not find a tape with enough laughs on it to last an entire episode, and live audiences had a tendency to run out of breath laughing. Plus, the people in charge of finding the audience tended to end up with crazy eccentrics who shouted out “Get a haircut” every time Nora opened her mouth.

Had the series been continued, the episode list was planned as follows:


 * Aardvark, if you can get it: The family find an escaped aardvark in the cellar.
 * Police yourself: The police come looking for an escaped prisoner. Could it be Chris?
 * Soviet Bunion: The Russians invade on the same day Margaret goes for a foot operation.
 * What brick, through yonder window breaks?: Kevin appears in the town play: Romeo and Juliet. The family has to board up a broken window.
 * Darth Fader: The fading paint on the front of the shop needs touching up. The escaped aardvark returns.
 * Bus fare in love and nuclear war: It’s Kevin’s wedding! But will nuclear war, an earthquake and a lost bus pass jeopardise his big day?

Quotes

 * Kevin: Maybe she’s not dead! Maybe she’s like Paul McCartney, or Elvis and left hidden clues everywhere! Look! Here’s that postcard she sent from Blackpool last year. ‘Wish you were here’. She! She wouldn’t wish we were dead, right!
 * Louise: Is that really wine? It looks more like SPAM…
 * Kevin: That was an explosive situation!

Category:British television sitcoms Category:BBC television programmes