User:Snoops292/Mental Health/Ambedia Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Snoops292
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Snoops292/sandbox

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer? Yes
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic? Yes
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? Yes
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article? Yes
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed? No

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? Yes
 * Is the content added up-to-date? Yes
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong? No

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral? Yes
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position? No
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented? No
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another? No

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? Yes although, towards the middle of your work, the citations become less frequent (ex. "Mental health history", paragraph 4).
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? Yes
 * Are the sources current? Yes
 * Check a few links. Do they work? Yes

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? This area could use a little work. Some sentences are hard to understand, for example: "In American history, mentally ill patients were thought to be religiously punished." Some sentences could use an encyclopedia-like structure, for example: "As the debate continues, families of patients, advocates, and mental health professionals call for the increase in more well-structured community facilities and treatment programs with a higher quality of long-term inpatient resources and care." This is a great sentence but the transition phrase "As the debate continues" sounds like its a part of a storyline.
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? No
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic? Yes

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete? Yes, it provided a richer history.
 * What are the strengths of the content added? The content provided is a great addition to the mental health article. I especially liked the history included on Transinstitutionalization. Your second addition to this article "MENTAL HEALTH YOUTH PREVALENCE" was also very well cited
 * How can the content added be improved? A couple of edits in tone and citations is my only critique.

Overall evaluation
Hi Isabelle!

This sandbox draft on the "Mental Health" wiki page has a significant amount of information. It looks like you've put a lot of work into this assignment! The content is really interesting and I found it to be a nice addition to the OG page!

I would like to address three things n this review:


 * 1) Making the article flow like an encyclopedia rather than an essay. The content is there I would suggest looking over the OG page to see how your tone varies. I've only given a hand full of examples of what I mean above, therefore I'd love to make myself available to giving more suggestions through a shared google doc. Let me know if you are interested.
 * 2) I suggest backing up your information by citing your work consistently, You cited very well for the "MENTAL HEALTH YOUTH PREVALENCE" heading and for the first 3 paragraphs of your "mental health history" heading.
 * 3) I would also like to ask where you plan on inserting your work? The OG history page varies a little in information I am curious to see how you will organize the layout. Also is ""MENTAL HEALTH YOUTH PREVALENCE" a new subsection?

Thank you for allowing me to peer review your work, I learn a lot through this activity by seeing things that I had missed on my own sandbox. If anything is unintelligible please reach out and I'll do my best to elaborate. If there's anything you'd like more input on or have reviewed I'd be happy to do it!

Best.

AA