User:Snoops292/Mental health in education/Ambedia Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Snoops292
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Snoops292/Mental health in education

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer? Yes
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic? Yes
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? Yes
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article? No
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed? No

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic?
 * Is the content added up-to-date?
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral? I would suggest editing the COVID information, the mental health impact based on Xenophobia and isolation is so so true but I would suggest introducing the concept of socio-economic impact on mental health to lead up to that conclusion.
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another?

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? Yes
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? Yes
 * Are the sources current? Yes
 * Check a few links. Do they work? Yes

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? Yes
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? No
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic? Yes

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete? Yes
 * What are the strengths of the content added? You added to the article by researching information that it was missing.
 * How can the content added be improved? Use more citations and move away from talking about the present because as an encyclopedia it will be looked over countless therefore the information you added may be outdated. I will talk more about this below.

Overall evaluation
Hi Isabelle,

I liked your content, I could see a student using the information for a project or report in the near future. My comments:


 * 1) Will you be inputting your work under the subheading "Policies in public schools"? Where will your work be placed?
 * 2) I suggest using more than one citation. I advise you look at the reference section of your cited source to see who they cited and increase your sources.
 * 3) I advise you to to move away from words that make events sound recent. For example, changing "New York has made it mandatory for students from Kindergarten to 12th grade to undergo mental health instruction" by erasing "has" and inserting the date and source at the end of the sentence. Another example, instead of saying "Concerning U.S. state policies, only three states have approved mandatory mental health curriculums" you could say "Three states have approved mandatory...[source], erasing the transition phrase and "only" from the sentence. Please let me know what you think of these suggestions.

I have tried very hard at providing suggestions that I believe would improve your article. You have great content that I found very interesting. Please reach out for questions/concerns and I will gladly elaborate. Thank you Isabelle!

Best.

AA