User:SocksTheKitty/User:Jagerismydogsname7151/Spillover infection/Abagelbagel Peer Review

General info
SocksTheKitty
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:SocksTheKitty/Carroll Chatham :I want to say, the current "sandbox" link on the peer review exercise brings me to an article with nothing on it. I've gotten to this article by looking at this person's page and clicking on what seems to be the article they chose to work on. The link on the wiki dashboard brings be to "Spillover infection" and has nothing.
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Unable to find an old link, therefore any information added is good. The lead is good, giving the base information we need to understand her topic, but I feel like it's a little long for a lead section and could have more use in the later body paragraphs.

Grammar needs work to have better clarity. Such as "His goal was to synthesize diamonds but after an explosion during one of these attempts, which caused his father to make Chatham change his experiments" could be 'His original goal was to synthesise diamonds, but Chatham's father made him change experiment because of an explosion during one of Chatham's experiments.' The break in the sentence after "one of these attempts" dues not flow well with the follow up of "which caused his father to". The word "which" does not work with "but" in this case.

Sources qualify as reliable. The formatting of the article is smooth and works well. Pictures would be nice as this article is on a person. Works well for a start of a newly made article.

So, personally I think trimming the lead section would be beneficial. There is work to be done on grammar and sentence fluidity. Sources are great. I would say, if you want to add more links for information for this article, create links to other articles explaining the processes Chatham uses. Like it would be amazing to have a link to Verneuil and flame fusion. This helps gives access to the information someone might need about Chatham without overloading his page.