User:Sonia/Writing and Rhetoric drafts

=Ian.Hoogenboom, Hocking River= I am making a new section on the Hocking River page on flooding. Below is my rough draft, i fee like my citing may be a bit off, still new to the wikipedia thing any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!

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Introduction to Hocking River Floods
Flooding on the Hocking used to be a yearly occurrence for the residents of Athens, Ohio. The floods determined many aspects of the resident's lives, for example like where to build a house. Most of the houses in Athens, Ohio are built up on the hills, or the higher ground. It wasn’t until the university needed to expand, due to an influx of students during the 1950’s that anything was even built into the flood plain. Some mentionable floods were the 1907 flood, in which 7 people died, and about 20 houses were swept away. Another big flood happened in 1968 which was labeled as "The worst flood in 55 years". The 68’ flood is also notable due to the fact that the re-routing of the Hocking River project began in 1969. The re-routing of the Hocking was undertaken by the Army Corps of Engineers, and was paid for by the university. The project was completed by 71’ and reverted 5 miles of the river along west green. The Hocking today is a docile almost stream like river, but the Hocking of pre 1971 was a raging river, which ran through where Baker center now stands.
 * I would change the title of this to "Hocking River floods"; it's less essay-like. Do also note that only proper nouns and the very first letter are capitalized in Wikipedia section headings.

Secondly, good prose, needs a little copyediting. Be consistent with numbers. "7" and "20" can be written as words; your years should be written out as "1968" not "68’".The last sentence is strange, both in terms of grammar and what it's trying to convey. Is the phrase about Baker Center relevant?

Finally, and this goes for throughout the article: Put your full stops before the.

Flood of 1907
This flood took place on March 14, 1907. According the the Athens Journal, 7 people died during the flood and the rescue attempts which followed. The flood uprooted about 20 houses, as well as drowned countless heads of horse and cattle. Residents that owned rowboats spent the days after the flood rescuing as many people as possible from there flooded houses, many people were saved, but rescuers were among the 7 people who died. 1000's of people were forced to leave there homes, and many people were arrested for looting in the days after the flood. Telegraph lines were ripped down due to the flood, leaving Athens residents with no way of communicating with the outside world in the days after the flood. The railroad, waterworks plant, and electric plant were flooded, leaving Athens residents without water or electricity.
 * First sentence doesn't tell us much. Just say "The flood of March 14, 1907 caused x damage..." or incorporate it in a similar way. Title for this and the next should really be "1907 flood" or similar. Less pretentious.

Flood of 1968
The flood of 1968 was another bad one. 4in of rain fell in 24hrs, causing the river to crest at 24.63ft, 8ft above sea level. Students actually helped the National Guardsmen in rescue efforts and sandbagging in an attempt to control the flooding. The flood made national news, and parents of the students were in a panic. Students were also seen diving off the balcony in front of Brown Hall, and out dorm windows in the West Green. It was reportedly the worst flood in 55 years, and caused $8.9million in damage to Athens county, and $750,000 to Ohio Universities campus.
 * Again, first sentence is not useful; similarly, watch your numbers. Four inches would do, or at least put spaces between 4 in. and 24 hours; similarly consistency in the last sentence with regard to your dollar values. Is the "actually" in the third sentence necessary? It's a bit of commentary.

The Re-routing Project
A year after the 1968 flood the re-routing project began. The project was carried out by the Army Corps of Engineers, and was funded by Ohio University. The University needed to expand its campus into the flood plain, and it didn’t want to have to pay annual damages due to flooding. It has been speculated that the new river channel has 3 times the carrying capacity of the old one, and should reduce chances of flooding by 86% preventing an estimated $800,000 annual flood loss. The project began on April 12, 1969, it 0was estimated to cost $11 million, and was to re-route a 5mi strip of river that ran along West green. Also, a four laned bridge was constructed along Richland Ave. which can still be seen today. The project was completed by 1971, and OU reportedly paid $375,000 per year for 22 years. The project had a lasting effect on the campus of OU, the pre 69’ Hocking would have run directly through the bottom floor of Baker Center. US Army Corps has estimated that since the project was completed, $48million in flood damage has been adverted since completion. The project was put to the test in May, 1990 when heavy rains caused the river to crest at 22.84ft in Athens. President Bush declared Athens and 3 other counties "Disaster Areas"; the flood caused $4million in damage to SE Ohio, but physical plant director Chuck Culp estimated that rerouting the river saved OU more then $500,000 in flood damage.
 * "It didn't want to have to pay"? The university is a person? (Kidding- do expand the contraction at least.) Again, "3 times"- numerical consistency, expand year numbers, etc.

Vernon Roger Alden
Vernon Roger Alden was a scholar, successful business man, dedicated father and husband, and a philanthropist who is mist known for being the 15th president of Ohio University. He is a leader in education, an international corporate director, and a highly successful entrepreneur.
 * "Among being..." doesn't sound quite right there. Standard Wikipedia style is a little more to the point: "John Doe (born January 1, 1000 in Doeville) was an x, y, and z who was most known for q achivement." or similar. The information presented here is what should be in the lede though, which is great.

Early life and academic career
Vernon Roger Alden was born in Chicago, Illinois, in 1923. As a young boy, he attended public school in Illinois and Rhode Island. During World War II, Alden attended the Navy Officers Japanese Language School in Boulder, Colorado, before serving on the aircraft carrier USS Saratoga. Dr. Alden received a degree in English Literature at Brown University and then went on to attend the prestigious Harvard Business School, where he received an MBA and went on to become an accomplished business man and President-Emeritus of Ohio University.
 * The title for this section should really not have an "&" in it. For future reference, titles on Wikipedia also only capitalize proper nouns and the very first letter. Otherwise, this seems fine, bar one thing: Do link all these places and schools etc mentioned! Links are created by placing square brackets around something: for example, Cheese produces Cheese.

Work at Ohio University
Vernon Alden was 38 years old when he came to Ohio University from his position as the associate dean of the Harvard Business School. During his time as president, Dr. Alden’s administration saw a doubling of enrollment and faculty on the Athens Campus and the university’s five branch campuses saw enrollment size nearly triple. During his presidency, Dr. Alden oversaw a great expansion of the campus area through urban renewal. The size of Athens’ campus increased by more than 750 acres. The continuation of a solid construction program can be accredited to Alden, as the development of South Green, the completion of West Green, and the construction of a new regional airport all happened during his presidency. His efforts in urban renewal exceeded developing the University and overflowed to improving economic growth in southeastern Ohio. He rerouted the flood-prone Hocking River, which annually drowned the university every spring, constructed the Appalachian Highway Network to provide easier access to Athens for visitors, and built six regional branches of Ohio University in both eastern and southern Ohio. Alden was an advocate of expanding research and new academic programs. As a pioneer of innovative programs at Ohio University, he spearheaded the development of programs such as the Ohio Fellows Program, the Cutler Program of Individualized Studies, the Honors College, and a Black Studies Institute. In addition to academic programs, Dr. Alden implemented university remissions for university employees and their families, sabbatical leaves, and the Ohio University Press. Increased rights for faculty and students were evidenced by a Faculty Senate and Student-Faculty Mediation Board. Vernon even attracted President Lyndon B. Johnson to the Athens campus to announce the Great Society Program in May of 1964. Upon his retirement from Ohio University the Board of Trustees dedicated the new library in his name, “The Vernon Roger Alden Library.” Dr. Alden left the University in 1969 and began a career with the Boston Company and continued to expand his involvement with international affairs, including extensive work in Japan.
 * Nicely done. Some claims here which really do need to be backed up by inline citations, so each statement is referenced to a source-- do ask me if you need help with those. Again, linking where appropriate.

Professional achievements
After spending the 1950s working for the Harvard Business School and the 1960s at Ohio University, Vernon Alden took the next step in his professional life to Boston, where he became Chairman of the Boston Company and the Boston Safe Deposit and Trust Company. During his time in Boston, from 1969-1978, the company quadrupled its assets with the help of Dr. Alden and several friends he recruited to the company. Vern transformed the company from a somewhat local financial company into an international organization and attracted to its Board of Directors incredibly successful executives including the chief executive officers of Armco Steel, TransWorld Airlines, Continental Oil, Royal Dutch Shell in the United Kingdom, the Dole Company in Hawaii and Lee Iacocca, the then president of Ford. As chairman of the company, Dr. Alden and his fellow associates developed new branches of the Boston Company including the Boston Consulting Group, the Financial Strategies Group, Institutional Investors, Rinfret-Boston Economic Advisory Services, and an oil and gas investment subsidiary in Texas. These new entities allowed the Boston Company to expand outside of Massachusetts to acquire investment counseling firms across the United States. By the end of the 1970s the Boston Company became the United States’ 15th largest investment-management firm. Alden was fascinated by organizations that were hired by incredibly wealthy families like the Rockefellers and the Fords to manage their assets. He recognized that similar assistance was needed by families less wealthy. He took this idea and transformed it into the Financial Strategies Group, an organization created to evaluate the assets of less wealthy families, offer advice on estate planning, manage resources, and enable them to invest. Among his first clients were John Glenn and George Webster.
 * Linking, again, and references.

Influence in Japan
Vernon R. Alden is also a very well known business man in Japan. After becoming president of the Japan Society of Boston in 1969, Dr. Alden obtained a five year grant from the US-Japan Friendship Commission. The grant provided the company with the opportunity to hire an Executive Director and to expand the company by increasing membership to more than 2,000 with 150 additional corporate members. Some other advisory councils related to Japan that Alden has been a member of include the Harvard Program on US-Japan Relations, the Massachusetts-Hokkaiso Sister State Committee, the Newport-Shimoda Black Ships Festival, and the Boston-Kyoto Sister City Foundation.
 * "business man" seems like it should be one word.

Family Life
Vernon and his late wife, Marion, have four children, Robert, Anne, James and David, as well as three grandsons, William, Anderson, and Thomas and five granddaughters, Acadia, Lydia, Mara, Lucy and Christelle.

Myths of Paranormal Activity and Factual Horrors
Ohio University has developed quite the reputation as one of the most haunted universities in the nation, but can these paranormal myths be proven or even explained with rational reasoning and factual evidence? The following myths were published in the October 31st edition of the Ohio University paper titled The Post in 1978. Most of these myths have been passed on through generations of students and are still alive and terrifying those who attend Ohio University till this day.

We will begin where the basis of most of these myths derive from, Wilson Hall. The horror stories of paranormal activity in Wilson Hall have drifted throughout the campus since the dorm first opened in 1964. One of the most famous myths is the unconfirmed Jeane Dixon prediction that on All Soul’s Day, numerous female freshmen were to be slaughtered by a man wielding an ax. There are no records proving that murders as such have ever happened, yet when Halloween rolls around, women are still terrorized till this day by fake-ax-wielding pranksters looking to liven up the myth. There have been numerous myths regarding levitating and moving objects in Wilson Hall as well. This includes horror stories of books flying off shelves, bricks falling to the ground, and jars shattering on the dorm room floors, all of which supposedly happened without the interaction of visible outside forces. Of course it does not end there. Over the years people have heard noises, which turn into footsteps, which turn into whispers and so on. There has even been a circulating myth of a haunted rug. This rug was stumbled upon in a Wilson Hall storage area while a student was sleuthing on a trail of a ghost. She took the well-kept blue shag rug and moved it to her second floor room, thinking nothing of it. That night, she apparently saw an image of a very large, disproportioned woman combing her hair in her mirror. She only saw this apparition momentarily as she was dozing off. Obviously, she was not in the clearest state of mind and most likely imagined this image in a near-sleep state. The following day she demanded to be moved to from the second floor single to a fourth floor double. There have been numerous myths regarding this student and her new fourth floor roommate following this so-called paranormal experience. It is said that they practiced witchcraft and studied parapsychology, fooling around with the psychical method of astro-projection. Again, nothing has been recorded or documented proving that either of these female students made contact of any sort with paranormal entities.

Ohio University has been falsely recognized as “One of the most haunted places on earth” according to The British Society for Psychical Research. Once again there is no proven documentation of the British Society for Psychical Research even creating a world-wide ranking of the most haunted places on earth. This is yet another myth that has brought much negative attention to the campus and city of Athens. There is one factual statement that reigns true among all of the myths haunting Ohio University. Parts of Ohio University were built over ancient burial grounds and the university is surrounded by over fifty cemeteries within a ten to fifteen mile radius. A select few of these cemeteries do form a pentagram, a common witchcraft symbol, which with some imagination and creativity places Wilson Hall directly in the center.

A large contributor to the myths of haunted grounds and paranormal activity can be focused on the Athens Insane Asylum which was once home to the infamous lobotomist Walter Jackson Freeman. Dr. Freeman, along with the asylum as a whole, were known for their numerous gruesome lobotomies as well as their unorthodox practices with patients. These practices ranged from electrical shock therapy to being submerged into ice-cold water for extended periods of time. Sometimes the true stories are more horrifying than the paranormal myths.

One myth that is most commonly heard among the students today in regards to the Athens Insane Asylum is the story of Margaret Schilling. Schilling, 53 at the time of her death, was a patient at the Athens Insane Asylum, simply known as the Athens Mental Health and Retardation Center at the time. After missing for six weeks, she was found dead in an abandoned ward. She was bare, frozen to the floor, with her clothes neatly folded on the windowsill. It is documented that she was approximately dead for four to five weeks before she was discovered and needed to be scrapped off of the floor. At the time the autopsy revealed no foul play, but the true story has been circulating amongst faculty and students for years. Ward N. 20 where she was found had not been used in “quite a number of years” according to the superintendent at the time. Ward N. 20 is a split-level floor located on the top of the three story wing of the asylum. The doors are locked from the outside and getting up to this ward required unlocking numerous doors on the way. It was first speculated that Schilling most likely entered the ward through the window, but this particular ward had been searched within a week of her initial disappearance. Only a select few people know this, but Schilling was a chain-smoker. It has been said that she would exchange sexual favors with the guards for cartons of cigarettes. It is believed that one guard in particular was tired of “sharing” Schilling with two of the other guards, and as a result he took her up to the abandoned N. 20 ward to have his way with her. Although it has never been publically released, faculty and individuals in the archives have shared that she had strangle marks upon her neck when she was found dead. Today, there is still an outline of Margaret Schilling’s body located on the floor of the closed off N. 20 ward. Although there has been much graffiti added over the years, the outline still unexplainably remains on the floor. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 184.57.76.81 (talk) 09:00, 24 January 2012 (UTC)
 * In general, this is an essay. It's unsourced—–no references anywhere—and doesn't read like an encyclopedia article. Do add sources and present it in a more factual, less sensational way. Comments like "we will begin..." and "of course it does not end there" are not suitable for Wikipedia, which simply presents facts. Please see this page for a quick guide to sourcing.
 * }

=Croft, Carolyn- Alwin Nikolais =

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Alwin Nikolais
Alwin Nikolais (November 25, 1910 in Southington, Connecticut – May 8, 1993) was an American choreographer. Nikolais studied piano at an early age and began his performing career as an organist accompanying silent films. As a young artist, he gained skills in scenic design, acting, puppetry and music composition.
 * This is good as a lead, just needs mentions of what he is best known for (significant accolades is the easiest way to do this.) Also, do add his place of death to the brackets.
 * It was after attending a performance by the German dancer Mary Wigman that he was inspired to study dance. He received his early dance training at Bennington College from the great figures of the modern dance world: Hanya Holm, Martha Graham, Doris Humphrey, Charles Weidman, Louis Horst, and others. In 1940, in collaboration with Truda Kaschmann, his first modern dance teacher, Nikolais received a commission to create Eight Column Line, his first ballet. The work was presented at one of the events of Hartford social season that counted Salvador Dalí and Léonide Massine as honorary patrons and was well received. After teaching two years at his own studio and touring the US with dancers from Hanya Holm's company, Nikolais did active duty in the Army during World War II as a master sergeant in criminal investigation. Nikolais relocated to New York City following the war and resumed studying with Hanya Holm. Eventually, after four years, he became Holm's assistant, teaching at her New York school and at Colorado College during the summers. In 1948, Nikolais was appointed director of the Henry Street Playhouse, which had been left in a state of transition and had to be entirely re-established. He formed the Playhouse Dance Company, later renamed and known as the Nikolais Dance Theatre. It was at Henry Street that Nikolais began to develop his own world of abstract dance theatre, portraying man as part of a total environment. Nikolais redefined dance, as "the art of motion which, left on its own merits, becomes the message as well as the medium". He believes "The Province of art is to explore the inner mechanisms and extra dimensional areas of life and, out of the exploration, to produce its findngs translated into the form of the artist's media." It was also at Henry Street Playhouse that Mr. Nikolais was joined by Murray Louis, who was to become a driving force in the Playhouse Company, Nikolais' leading dancer and longtime collaborator. In 1956, the Nikolais Dance Theater was invited to its first of many appearances at the American Dance Festival. With this, his total dance theatre had begun to take shape, and the company established itself in the forefront of American contemporary dance. By 1959, the Playhouse was made one of the most outstanding dance-theatre-schools in the country. With the company's 1968 Paris season at the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées, Nikolais' impact on dance grew internationally. Following Paris, the company began performing around the world. Here began a long artistic relationship with the Théâtre de la Ville which began in 1971 and continues now after his death. In 1978, the French National Ministry of Culture invited him to form the Centre Nationale de la Danse Contemporaine in Angers, France. In December 1980, he created his 99th choreographic work Schema, for the Paris Opera. At the same time, his choreography for an opera by Gian Carlo Menotti was being staged at the Vienna Staatsoper. In 1987, Nikolais was awarded the National Medal of Arts, bestowed by President Ronald Reagan, and the Kennedy Center Honors, conferred during a three-day round of official Washington events, which culminated in a CBS telecast featuring the Nikolais Dance Theater. He received the City of Paris' highest honor, the Grande Medaille de Vermeille de la Ville de Paris, as well as medals from Seville, Spain, Athens, Greece, and 30 other cities both foreign and national as well as a special citation from New York City's Mayor, which he shared with Murray Louis. Often referred to as the American Patriarch of French modern dance, Nikolais is a knight of France's Legion of Honor and a commander of the Order of Arts and Letters. His accolades from the world of arts and letters included the Samuel H. Scripps American Dance Festival Award; the Capezio Award; Circulo Criticos Award, Chile; Emmy Citation Award; Dance Magazine Award; the Tiffany Award; and the American Dance Guild Award. In 2000 he was inducted into the National Museum of Dance and Hall of Fame. Nikolais was granted five honorary doctorate degrees, was twice designated a Guggenheim Fellow, and was the recipient of a three year creativity grant from the Andrew W. Mellon Foundation. Mr. Nikolais and his work have been featured in numerous films and television programs in the US and abroad. In July 1987, Nik and Murray, a feature-length documentary film about Nikolais and Murray Louis, directed by Christian Blackwood, aired on the PBS series American Masters. Nikolais was renowned as a master teacher, and his pedagogy is taught in schools and universities throughout the world. He died of cancer on May 8, 1993, in New York and is buried in Père Lachaise cemetery in Paris. Among his best known performances are "Masks, Props, and Mobiles" (1953), "Totem" (1960), and "Count Down" (1979). Nikolais purchased the first Moog analog synthesizer system.
 * Whew. Paragraphing would make this less of a wall of text! A section title like "Biography" followed by subheadings may help. "Mr. Nikolais" also should be removed, refer to him consistently by his last name.
 * Whew. Paragraphing would make this less of a wall of text! A section title like "Biography" followed by subheadings may help. "Mr. Nikolais" also should be removed, refer to him consistently by his last name.

His Style
Nikolais employed lights, slides, electronic music, and stage props to create environments through which dancers moved and, more important, into which they blended (Dance Magazine). He would commonly use props with esthetic as well as functional purposes, for instance, a traveler moving across the stage would hide a crossing and simultaneously create a volume of motion. He went against the grain of his era and avoided overused themes like psychosexuality, good vs. evil, or heroines. Instead, he chose to move away from the life of the individual and focus on group action. He preferred also to develop his own style of movement, and not to replicate the moves of previous time periods or other composers. He was notoriously well known in the dance industry because of his unique use of lighting. He would use light sources from every direction and level to create new shapes, spaces, and silhouettes. With his modern, ingenious new style, he felt that most music was ill suited for it. He went back to his days as an early musical composer and designed his own score on electronic tape. Within the Henry Street Playhouse, the tapes would be played over a seven speaker system distributed throughout the room to give another time and space dimension. The combination of an outstanding cast, original lighting and music, with modern dance techniques from a one-of-a-kind choreographer, gained The Nikolais Dance Theatre a world-renowned reputation in the theatrical arts.

Carolyn Croft (talk) 04:46, 25 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Just title this "Style", I think. Be careful with words like "ingenious", "went against the grain of his era", "outstanding", "one-of-a-kind". We can report that others said such things but not draw such judgements; we are an encyclopedia and simply report facts.
 * General comments. This really needs to have references for all the information. See this page for how Wikipedia inline citations are done. Also, link organizations/places/other subjects likely to have Wikipedia articles, like this: Cheese makes Cheese.
 * }
 * General comments. This really needs to have references for all the information. See this page for how Wikipedia inline citations are done. Also, link organizations/places/other subjects likely to have Wikipedia articles, like this: Cheese makes Cheese.
 * }

= Ohio University: Christhompson131 == Christhompson131 (talk) 21:46, 25 January 2012 (UTC) I am adding this section to the History portion at the Ohio University page user:christhompson131

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1970 Protests and School Closing
Claude Sowle entered the presidency at Ohio University at an interesting time in the university’s past. There had been protesting on campus before his term as president on such matters as equal treatment of women and African Americans. Protesting on Ohio University campus had not yet reached the extreme that it would during the school year of 1970. Claude Sowle became president of the university in August of 1969 and almost immediately was met by protesting on issues such as the National Moratorium and others due to an increase in university fees for the 1970-1971 school year. There were some that believed that campus should have been closed on the National Moratorium, but President Sowle left campus open due to the fact that he felt the Moratorium was a tax payer issue, which involved viewpoints on both sides of the spectrum. On January 30 in 1970, a university fee meeting was held in Cutler Hall during the late morning to discuss the fee increase passed by the Board of Trustees on January 12. Near the end of the discussion, some 150 students entered Cutler Hall in an attempt to get into the meeting. There were some damages caused in Cutler Hall, and the demonstrators were redirected from the entrance of Cutler Hall to College Green. By the afternoon, a temporary restraining order was issued to Judge Bolin as Sowle felt necessary to disperse the crowd on College Green. Those who failed to disperse were placed under arrest, forty-six demonstrators were arrested, thirty-nine of whom pleaded guilty and received fines. In mid-April of the same year, tension on campus began to rise due to a sensitive topic, whether Army and Air force ROTC should exist on campus. Nine female students demonstrated against its existence by performing a sit-in on an Army ROTC class in Carnegie Hall, resulting in the arrest of these women who became known as the “Athens 9”. The Athens 9 were not allowed on campus, which did not sit well with certain people who viewed the campus ban as unfair because they did not receive the right of due process after their arrest. On April 30, President Nixon announced that several thousand ground troops would be deployed in Cambodia, which added extra uneasiness to the controversial topic of the war in Vietnam. On May 4, a student demonstration was organized on College Green at the same time the news was revealed of the tragedy at Kent State in which four students were shot and killed by unprepared National Guardsman. This added fuel to the fire on the topic of ROTC on campus and the intensity of demonstrations increase. Until this point demonstrations succeeded to remain almost completely non-violent even though there had been some damages caused throughout campus. On May 7, in the early hours of the A.M. the peace was broken after two fire bombings in the ROTC supply room in Penden Stadium (OU Alumini Journal, 8/70). Throughout the next few weeks demonstrations such as sit-ins and rallies on College Green were organized. Also within the first few weeks of May, discussion and meetings were held on whether Ohio University should remain open. There were some who wanted to close the university, but President Sowle wanted to keep the campus open, and encouraged students to keep a peaceful nonviolent stance. There was even a meeting that was held where a man named Bruce Kuhre moved to have Ohio University closed but the motion was denied 25 to 6. Despite his desire to keep campus open, increasing intensity and tension on campus led to a serious consideration of safety on campus. Student safety was a concern of the faculty as well as concern for the disruption of campus life. Around 2 a.m. on May 15 President Sowle and Athens Mayor Raymond Shepard jointly requested that the Ohio National Guard be called to Athens to help close Ohio University. At 3 a.m. President Sowle announced that campus would be closed immediately until the beginning of Summer quarter. Students were told to gather up their belongings and head home before the quarter was able to come to a close. The next issue that had to be handled was how to deal with closing a quarter early, since this had not happened before in school history. There were some amounts of refund granted due to the fact that students paid for an entire quarter that was cut short. Student grades remained the same as they were at the time that Ohio University was closed. Those students who were seniors that year were not able to receive a ceremonial graduation because of the closing. Though they were not able to attend a graduation at the time that was expected, the class of 1970 was able to receive a proper Commencement Ceremony in June of 2010, forty years after a turbulent time in Ohio University’s history that will not be forgotten by those present.
 * Gah. I thought I'd commented on this one ages ago; my internet has been on-and-off and half my edits haven't actually saved. Frustrating. Anyway. This section's first sentence seems like commentary: an interesting time, really? I imagine this is focussed not on Sowle's presidency but on the protests, and heading it up with his being president is an interesting way to do it. I suggest just starting with "while there were protests before 1970 on matters such as....., they had not yet reached..." etc.
 * Standardize dates: "on January 30, 1970". A little bit of copyediting required as well: "some damages" doesn't sound right. Last sentence is a run-on sentence; replace first comma with a semicolon or colon maybe?
 * Likewise, this first sentence is a run-on sentence. Clarify what exactly the issue is; for me here in New Zealand, I have absolutely no idea what a ROTC is and why this was an issue that caused tension.
 * Your prose is generally in the right style for an encyclopedia, which is great. Minor copyedits: The sentence that ends with "increase" I'm assuming should end with "increased". "succeded to remain" is mixed tense. Standardization again; "in the early hours of the A.M." is just awkward phrasing.
 * The sentence beginning "there was even a meeting that was held" needs to be explained and/or fitted in to the text a little closer. "intensity and tension": intensity of what? "a serious consideration of safety" should probably be expressed as "serious concerns about safety", and the sentence after that should also be reworded to something like "the faculty were concerned about student safety and minimizing the disruption of campus life" or similar.
 * This particular paragraph reads a little essay-like. "Closing a quarter early was unprecedented in school history." would probably be a better first sentence. Similarly, "Some students who paid for an entire quarter were given partial refunds" or similar for the second sentence. The last sentence should have the closing bit "forty years after..." taken off, as this is again opinion and not encyclopedic.

Martha Jane Hunley-Blackburn
— Preceding unsigned comment added by Kris2013 (talk • contribs) 00:03, 3 February 2012 (UTC)