User:Sourcertuner/Mariya Volkonskaya/Imperialrussia1 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sourcertuner


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sourcertuner/Mariya_Volkonskaya?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template

Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

 * Mariya Volkonskaya

Evaluate the drafted changes
Good job on your first draft. I really like what you've written and the topic is really fun to learn about.

Lead Section


 * I see that you'll use the lead from the existing article. Considering editing it so that it also contains a brief section of the information you will add.

Content

 * Your content is good so far. I'd suggest that you search for some more information regarding the literary works (or any other kinds of works) dedicated to Volkonskaya. The existing page refers to poem written about her. See if you can find more of that sort of thing. Your content seems up to date and everything you've written is relevant to your topic.

Tone and Balance

 * Your tone is pretty good so far. In some instances the page reads more like a story than an encyclopedia entry. An example of this is:
 * "In 1824, Mariya married Prince Sergey Volkonsky. Volkonsky was an aristocratic Major General in the Russian Empire. The relationship between the two was hardly the result of their finding true love but the two were attracted to each other."
 * I think the second sentence sounds to story-like. Consider removing it or rewriting it. A more neutral version of that statement would read something like "Mariya noted in (a source eg her journal) that she was not in love with Volkonsky but she felt some attraction for him." The trick with maintaining neutrality is to remove your voice from the Wikipedia page. You want the source to speak, not you, I know that can be kind of difficult to do. Just make sure your sentences don't sound like you're making the statement, but rather the source.
 * An example where you did this well is "Mariya’s entire family was worried about the new mother's health, citing the possible adverse physical and mental effects of Sergei’s arrest on her." In this sentence, it is clear that this statement was made by Mariya's family in the source. I'd suggest that you go over your content as ask who it sounds like is making each statement. Is it you or someone you're writing about based on the source?
 * Also, stay away from using informal language. An example of this is "He fell for Maryia and even proposed but was refused by her father." "Fell" for is an informal phrase. A more formal way to say it is"He proposed to Mariya but her father refused his proposal." Go through your work and try to change the informal language.

Sources and References

 * All of your sources seem up to date and good. My concern is that you draw mainly from her biography The Princess in Siberia. It would be great if you could find a way to cite a more sources than to rely on one so heavily, I understand the difficulty in finding sources to use, especially in English. I tried searching for more sources on her using the UM library website and JSTOR. I did not find anything particularly useful. I assume you're experiencing the same thing,
 * Consider looking at the sources and citation used in the Princess of Siberia book and see if there are any English sources that the author is drawing from. You could also consider more creative ways to cite a few more sources, Maybe adding two or three sentences at the beginning of the article about the trend for Russian wives to follow their husbands into exile could help; that way you could use more sources. Also consider seeing if any of the hospitals or organizations she founded survive today. Maybe you could add a section talking about her legacy in terms of these organizations. These are merely suggestions but finding unique ways to bring in more sources will help your article.

Organization

 * The content is very easy to read; good job. I didn't catch any spelling errors but I'd recommend you have just run through it again to catch any spelling or grammatical errors if they are there. In terms of organization, I'd recommend that you don't simply add the content of the existing article in the present form to your draft. You already go over much of what is one the existing page in your draft, which is more organized than the existing article. Considering removing or editing the existing article to make it flow with yours and that the article isn't repeating the same information twice. Good job on that by the way. I'd also suggest that you take the information on the existing page relating to the literary and other works dedicated to Mariya and form a new section discussing the legacy of Mariya in terms of the works dedicated to her and the organizations she founded in Siberia. Place that section as the last section of the page.

Images and Media

 * Your images are really nice. They're added in a great way and thy really help you to visualize Mariya and her life. For the first portrait of Mariya consider removing the word picturesque from the image description. Could you find any images of the organizations she founded in Siberia or of the Kiev estate she grew up on? Its ok if you can't. It would be great to add them if you can.

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * You did a really good job with the draft. Consider the feedback above and focus on perfecting it for the final Wikipedia page. Good job!