User:Sparks Erin/Heat stroke/Mames29 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sparks Erin


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sparks%20Erin/Heat_stroke?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

Good job at being concise and being descriptive in each section. The next step would be to put it all together and be sure to include an introductory paragraph.

Content:

The content is relevant and good. A suggestion I have is to include a section focusing on environmental concerns/patterns. You had mentioned northern states saw more cases than southern states but maybe include a section on if there's a higher incidence with dryer or humid temperatures. It could be applied to a more global perspective.

Tone and Balance:

This part is good. I don't see issues with persuasion or language that isn't neutral. Again, maybe environmental concerns is an underrepresented topic.

Here's one grammatical error from your second section: "One study found that there were significantly higher incidence rates were found in males (1.99 per 100,000; 95% CI = 1.82-2.16)." There were a few other small errors so make sure to reread your article a few times to make sure you catch them and to make your sentences flow a bit better. I would suggest reading it out loud.

Sources and references:

All sources seem reliable and links work.

Images and Media:

There is no media included. Some suggestions could be geographical graphs, age adjusted models, etc.