User:Sparks Erin/Heat stroke/PHstudentwiki Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sparks Erin


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sparks%20Erin/Heat_stroke?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Heat stroke

Evaluate the drafted changes
Note: This student had issues with the Wiki sandbox page. I reviewed a version she emailed me.

Nice work on your contribution to this Wiki article! All of your writing is relevant and easy to understand. Your writing is unbiased and neutral, and your sources look reputable and current.

-One thing to look at a bit closer is your sentence: "Additionally, people who are ill, dehydrated, and on certain medications." What about these people? Are they at a higher risk of developing heat stroke?

-Grammatically, I would also look at this sentence a bit more: "Also, athletes are one of the populations that is most at risk for heat stroke and other heat illnesses."

-You have a lot of important information, and it could be useful to break it up into different sections to organize it more. For example, older adults could be its own section.

I really like your addition at the end about the complications of low income populations, like not being able to afford air conditioning--it's important that you represent a variety of populations! Also, your points about geography at the end are supported well with evidence. Overall, this looks good!