User:Spiffy sperry/Walsh

An essay from deadpan humorist Matt Walsh (transcribed from Ep. 1044, 50:44-58:30, 2022 Oct. 19) on why any "controversial" comment of his, and the resulting media frenzy, probably doesn't belong in his Wikipedia article.


 * “Yesterday on the show I briefly mentioned a controversy that had at the time only recently started simmering. It was a controversy surrounding comments made by the humble host of this very podcast.  And if you’ve been paying attention at all you’d know that when my comments spark controversy, it’s always because I have broached a very important subject and raised an issue of urgent national importance, such as of course the backlash over my advocacy for the rights of translucent mermaids.  The topic this time around isn’t quite that serious, but almost.


 * So, as I detailed yesterday during an All Access Live chat this past Friday, I was asked to give my opinion on the subject of anime. And I spent about 35 seconds on the subject, in which I stated that from my vantage point, anime is satanic.  Now I acknowledge that I have no argument to support that view.  I have no, perhaps, reason or justification for it.  It is rather, as the kids say, a vibe.  Anime has a satanic vibe.  That’s all.  Have I ever seen anime?  Do I even know exactly what anime is?  These questions aren’t relevant.  All that matters is that, as I’ve said in response to a live question someone asked, anime is the work of the devil.  That’s my truth that I live in every day.


 * Now, there are some who might assume that this comment was simply a half-assed, off-the-cuff joke about cartoons, and that’s all. There are some who might observe that I’ve also argued for cyclists to be imprisoned.  I’ve said that people who leave their shopping carts in the parking lot are morally equivalent to serial killers and should be executed on the spot. I’ve called for legislation outlawing small talk in elevators and the use of emojis by males over the age of 18.  I even spent three months on this show attacking my own employer over his refusal to give me a giant stuffed walrus.  So, you might assume that my theories about anime’s satanic origins should be taken in the same spirit as all of those other sorts of comments.  And you’re right, because I’m totally serious about all of it.


 * It's good then, that social media took it with the seriousness that it was intended. I was one of the top trending subjects on Twitter nationwide yesterday, again, this time due to my controversial stance on anime.  A great many accounts with anime avatars expressed their hurt and anger over my opinion, leading me to believe that maybe I was wrong about anime causing demonic possession.  Maybe it actually just causes you to become an extremely whiny dork.  That’s another theory.


 * Meanwhile the news media jumped into action. My randomly muttered hot take about anime made it into the headlines of several major news outlets.  Yahoo! News reports, “Daily Wire troll Matt Walsh denounces anime as satanic, though he doesn’t know why.”  Denounces – I denounced it.  Mediaite says, “Matt Walsh declares anime satanic, but admits he’s not sure why.”  The Independent says, “Matt Walsh says he thinks all anime is satanic and adults shouldn’t be watching cartoons.”  Newsweek takes a slightly different angle.  They say, “Daily Wire host who called anime satanic blasted by real satanists.”  Oh well, if real satanists are angry about it, then I guess I’m more right than I ever realized.


 * So, I can now, with more confidence than ever, say that I stand by my comments, obviously. Anime is satanic, and it leads to demonic possession in upwards of 87% of cases, studies show.  Recent reports suggest that – list to this, listen to this – half of all Pokémon fans will become mass murderers.  The other half will also become mass murderers.  If any of my critics have ever studied history, they would know that Adolf Hitler, Genghis Khan, Caligula, all were anime fans, or would have been if it existed.  In fact – and this statistic is the most shocking of all, I want you to listen closely to this – nearly 100% of all violent criminals in the country have seen Dragon Ball Z, or have heard of it, or know someone who has seen or heard of it.  The numbers speak for themselves.


 * Though in fairness, there is perhaps no reason to single out Japanese animation in this way. Sure, it’s especially weird and unsettling, but it’s from Japan after all so what do you expect?  Really though, every cartoon is satanic.  That’s the only clarification that I’ll offer here.  Every cartoon is satanic.  Look at PAW Patrol, for example.  Talking dogs with dead, lifeless eyes, who engage in all manner of sorcery.  The whole town of Adventure Bay cowers in fear under the tyrannical regime of these beasts.  Even the mayor, who’s really a figure head, obeys their every whim.  There are no checks and balances in this system.  The Paw Patrol are given free rein to be judge, jury, and potentially executioners.  Now when you consider that scripture often uses wolves to symbolize the forces of evil, you begin to see in the Paw Patrol a sort of perverse, satanic fable.


 * And this is still one of the tamer shows. What about CoComelon, a bizarre, deranged, plotless, hypnotic spectacle which places toddlers into an insensible, trance-like state, where they mutter incantations summoning dark forces that they don’t understand?  These are yet more cartoon-related opinions that I am seriously stating, and which I hope will be taken as seriously as I mean them.


 * Of course, hypothetically, as a thought experiment, if you were to pretend for a moment that with my infamous anime commentary, I was actually just making a random, spur-of-the-moment joke about a subject that I really don’t care about at all, and that Media Matters is creating a controversy over something that I forgot I even said 45 seconds after I said it, then in this alternate universe one might make the following observation.


 * It is sad that we live in a culture where you can’t speak off-the-cuff or offer an opinion even ironically or in jest or only half seriously without it being clipped and isolated and turned without your consent into your die-hard mantra or fundamental belief system. I had people yesterday demanding to know why I’ve chosen to die on this hill.  Why am I ranting about anime?  Why do I care so much about what other people chose to watch?  Well, am I dying on a hill by making a flippant, hyperbolic remark on a subject that someone else asked me about?  Is literally everything you say a hill you’re dying on?  Are you seriously pretending that you never exaggerate or engage in hyperbole or say something outrageous for comedic effect?  Are you pretending you’ve never articulated an edgy or weird opinion, maybe seriously, maybe as a joke, maybe as some mixture of the two?  Are you pretending that you don’t understand these methods of human communication that are utterly commonplace and a feature of nearly every conversation you’ve ever had in your life?


 * Yes, you are pretending that. You are pretending so that you can score whatever point you think you’re scoring.  And the effect over time is that authentic conversation is stifled, and people feel as though they have to constantly speak like they’re reading from a press release written by a corporate PR firm.  The color and flavor of human conversation, the stuff that makes it fun and interesting, just kind of fades away.  These are all things that you might say if you believe that I was not being totally serious when I declared all animation made in Japan satanic.  But again, I was serious.  I am serious about everything.  If I was joking, I would laugh.  Deadpan humor has never been my thing, as you well know.”

For additional context, in the ad that immediately preceded this section of the podcast, Walsh quipped about his plan to wear a costume of his favorite anime character for Halloween. The first time this incident was added to the Walsh article, another user deleted it because it was only sourced to Twitter. The second time it was added, I deleted it with the edit summary "this is wp:undue; his flippant, hyperbolic remark is not meant to be taken seriously". Time will tell if that will stick. (Update: as expected, it didn't.) Hilariously, the translucent mermaid bit above is still in the article. His comment about the live-action remake of the Little Mermaid was clearly a setup to a joke about the rights of translucent people.