User:Sqe2023/Henri Martin (French politician)/RJim312 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sqe2023


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Sqe2023/Henri Martin (French politician)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Henri Martin (French politician)

Lead
There is no lead added by this student, but the lead that existed in the article portion that already existed is servicible for now. Would need more tweaking once you move on to the final draft

Content
The content here feels complete, and update according to Wikipedia's guidelines. What is here however, could be separated with a version of the Henri Martin Affair as part of his page with the proposed sections and more general information/context of the even being put on the page for the Henri Martin Affair since some of it doesn't apply to specifically Henri Martin as an individual.

Tone and Balance
The early life biography feels heavily favored towards one particular writer, but given that it's such a small period in his life it's invetible, so it's not a huge worry. The tone during the section on Martin's mitlitary campaign feels a bit too sympathetic towards him with the sentences on Japanese surrender making it seem like the writier is sorry to Henri Martin for his misfortune when they need to be more neutral.

Aside from that aspect it seems to be a bit like narration during parts, but not in a way that would detract from the page's value as an encyclopedic entry or in a way that feels biased.

Sources and References
There is a varied use of sources, and the links all seem to work except number 8 which is hard to verify becuase I cannot read French and the page gave off virus vibes. The photo can work as a source for a paper, but for Wikipedia would work better as a photo  uploaded to the page for readers to see.

The sources seem to come from journalists of various backgrounds, researchers from the United States, Canada, and France, and scattered French sources. It has a strong diversity in writers, but it's hard to verify 8 for how respectable it is as a source.

Organization
All of the sections with content are applicable to the topic and they are all put in a logical order. The proposed sections would work well with the Henri Martin Affair as an indepth analysis. Although I feel as if what you are proposing to write about the Henri Martin Affair would work much better on the page for the event, and making use of hyperlinks to it for readers to get some of those broader contexts. Also the first mention of the PCF in respect to the page going from top to bottom should be when you bring up the full name for it, not when you mention it in the "contemporary context" section. The last issue for me was the sentences about his military service. The sentences on the end of the pacific theater can just be bringing up Japanese surrender rather than writing about the dropping of bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Furthrmore, the mention of his service in French Indochina could work better if it was condensed into just summing the first 2 sentences as him being sent to fight in the First Indochina War and linking to that page. The parts about what happened during his deployment are fine where they are.

Images
There is a photo that is brought up in the citations. That photo would be a perfect addition to the page if it can be used under fair-use laws. It is wasted as a citation since it dances the line of primary source which does not fall under Wikipedia's guidelines for citations.

Overall
This page has great strengths as an update to the page of a French politician. It gives instight to his childhood and education with information about key points in his life. It has the weakness of feeling a little awkward in the transition to his time in Vietnam/French Indochina. Additionally, the section on the Henri Martin Affair is thorough, but would work even better improving the exisiting page on the subject becuase the section from the draft has information about it that does not relate to Martin as an individual in it.

The content can be improved by filling the remaining sections, and maybe even moving them to the Henri Martin Affair page. The sections that are there can stay with another two added about his death and legacy. Keep the information relevant to a baseline understanding of the affair and Martin's involvement on his page, while moving the rest to the page on the Henri Martin Affair itself.