User:Starmiffy/Zhang Hanying/Cliopentimento Peer Review

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Starmiffy
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This is a good start and reflects good work in terms of the research. The organization is pretty solid, but the draft also ends abruptly and does not seem complete. What came of her and feminists' efforts in 1912? And when, how, and where did she die? Did she ever marry and have a family ? The entry also needs a lot of work in terms of the writing. The biggest problems relate to the writing (which is verbose in places and contains a lot of grammatical errors throughout as well). I'm going to ask you to be each other editors here. Please cut all instances of "certainly" and other filler words that do not add to the substance. Encyclopedia articles should be concisely written, as well as neutral and factual. My comments are below in ALL CAPS BOLD and what I put in brackets I suggest deleting. Pls see me if you have any question. KM

Early Life[edit]
Zhang Hanying was born in 1872 and held a rather unique childhood. Her early life was certainly impacted by her family, especially under the heavy influence of her father. '''AVOID VAGUE AND NON-SPECIFIC STATEMENTS THAT DON'T TELL US ANYTHING "RATHER UNIQUE" "CERTAINLY IMPACTED..." (EVERYONE'S LIVES ARE IMPACTED BY THEIR FAMILIES) DELETE THESE SENTENCES EXCEPT FOR HER BIRTH DATE AND GET INTO THE SUBSTANCE IMMEDIATELY. IF HER FATHER WAS INFLUENTIAL, TELL US WHY AND HOW.'''

Zhang Hanying came from a WELL-ESTABLISHED AND -EDUCATED family [that was well established and well educated]. As natives on the Lu at the Lili River, Zhang Hanying was significantly influenced by her father. (SENTENCE DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. DO YOU WANT TO SAY HER FAMILY WERE THE NATIVES? IF SO RECONSTRUCT THE SENTENCE SO IT'S GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT) Her father was well educated man who held a degree as well. (WHAT KIND OF DEGREE?) Her father certainly favored her for highly intellectual capabilities. Further, her desire for education fostered gained her father's favor. (THESE SENTENCES ARE WEAK AND NEED REVISING) Her relationship with her father confirms to the notion of willow catkin feminists, (?? DEFINE/EXPLAIN) who often had tight-nit KNIT relationships with their paternal figures. Zhang's early life certainly impacted her developed willful personality. Zhang Hanying was said to be quite Hunanese (THIS IS A STEREOTYPE, NO? PLS DELETE) as a result of her stubbornness. She is noted to have a rather unyielding personality, very much similar to that of Tang Qunying (WHO WAS...?). Further, it is noted that Zhang had a strong physique, dissimilar to many other activists. (? NOTED BY WHOM AND WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?)

'''THIS SECTION NEEDS MAJOR REWRITING. YOU ONLY WANT TO INCLUDE THE MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION. AND REMEMBER YOUR JOB AS AN ENCYCLOPEDIA WRITER IS TO INCLUDE UNBIASED, NEUTRAL, FACTUAL INFORMATION. THE INFORMATION HERE ABOUT HER PERSONALITY AND PHYSIQUE SEEM IRRELEVANT AND BIASED.'''

Education[edit]
Zhang Hanying was among the many Chinese women who learned public and political engagement skills at the Shimoda school in Japan. WHEN? Shimoda was well known for maintaining a large branch that catered to overseas Chinese students, both male and female. This school fostered the minds of young radicals and developed their confidence in how they could congregate and express themselves. To many, the Shimoda school was considered radical for such openness to educating female students as equally as men.

After the success of a study done about overseas students, a previous male student named Fan Yuanlin convinced the Practical Women’s School to accept [an abundance of] twenty Huananese overseas Chinese female students. Fan also requested for the Shimoda school to open a branch that would cater to the acceptance of primarily Chinese female overseas students. Shimoda approved of this initiative in 1905 and accepted the twenty students during July of the same year. Zhang Hanying was one of the accepted. The acceptance of this initiative sparked the beginning of other Chinese provinces such as Liaoning, Jiangxi, and Jiangsu, to send students of their own to Japan. Zhang Hanying was one of the first students to be a part of this new trend in radical political, and public education of Chinese women in Japan.

'''THIS IS GOOD, AND THE WRITING IS MUCH BETTER. BUT PLS REORGANIZE THIS SECTION SO IT LEADS MORE WITH ZHANG HANYING MORE AND FOCUSES ON HER EXPERIENCE AT THIS SCHOOL. FILL IN THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT BY WAY OF EXPLANATION. DO NOT LEAD WITH THE CONTEXT.'''

Movements[edit]
Following her years at the Shimoda school, Zhang Hanying was at the forefront of the nascent women's movement in the early Republican period following the 1911 Revolution. Some of her fellow comrades alongside her during this movement were Lin Zongsu, Tang Qunying, and Wang Changguo.

Zhang Hanying asserted that women's rights were rights that belong to them through THE(?) gift of nature. (IS GIFT OF NATURE HER LANGUAGE? IF SO PUT IT IN QUOTES. IT'S NOT A FAMILIAR TERM) She emphasized the notion of natural rights and demanded that women be treated with respect in this regard. (IN WHAT REGARD? TIGHTEN THE WRITING AND BE MORE PRECISE WITH YOUR LANGUAGE.) She placed great focus on the idea that these natural rights should take priority over social rights. EXPLAIN HERE WHAT SHE UNDERSTOOD NATURAL RIGHTS AND SOCIAL RIGHTS TO MEAN AND WHAT THE DISTINCTION WAS. Zhang highlighted that social revolution was one that was likely to occur due to the past political revolutions. WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY SOCIAL REVOLUTION? Hanying argued for the importance of women's solidarity. "If we each argue in our own langauges and accuse each other, how can women have a bright day of our own?"

The chair of the Seventh Conference of All Nation’s Women’s Suffrage in Budapest in 1913, Niijie Gonghe Xiejishe, wanted Chinese women to send representatives to the conference. Xiejishe assigned Tang Qunying’s women’s group on the task.(WORDING DOES NOT MAKE SENSE) Qunying had difficulty funding the travel expenses and hesitated to send women. Then, Hanying and Guo Jiangren collaborated with Xiejishe about the matter and would be approved to have half of the travel expenses paid for.(NOT GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT) '''WHAT HAPPENED AT THIS CONFERENCE? WOULD BE HELPFUL TO EXPLAIN''' Hanying had helped unite women, thus fostering a national communication network and unified organizations in China.

Radical suffragists also put their wealth and attention to women’s handicraft industries. WAS SHE A RADICAL SUFFRAGIST? In September 1912, Zhang Hanying and company formed the Women’s Central Handicraft Factory in Nanjing. The factory produced women’s crafts like knitted products and straw hats. Many wanted to use these factories as places to support poor women, a way to create more employment opportunities for women.

Women's Suffrage Alliance[edit]
During the 1911 Revolution in China, many women struggled to get their message of equal rights to the masses. In order to bring Women's suffrage and rights to the forefront, Zhang Hanying along with Tang Qunying and Wang Changguo, formed the Shenzhou Women’s Suffrage Alliance, WHAT YEAR? which was formerly known as The Women’s Northern Expedition Teams (WHICH HAD BEEN FOUNDED WHEN?). Within this Alliance she along with a committee would hear from Chinese women about the abusive behavior they faced from their husbands. Then, acting as female judges, they would give rulings out in order to ease these womens' WOMEN'S minds. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Zhang Hanying, Tang Quanying, and Wang Changguo shifted from their Women’s Northern Expedition Team into a new group called Shenzhou Canzheng Tongmenghui on February 12, 1912, in Nanjing. (WHAT ABOUT THE ALLIANCE?) Their goals were to promote equal rights between men and women UNDER THE LAW?, advocate for more emphasis on education FOR WOMEN?, help structure family ideals (MEANING WHAT?), and prohibit concubines. The group initially had more than two hundred followers; many were from the old Revolutionary Alliance with some experience in suffrage. Also, they had branches of the group in other provinces outside of their headquarters in Nanjing.

On February 27, YEAR, women representatives Zhang Hanying, Cai Hui, Ge Wenyuan, Chen Biyin, Tang Qunyig, Zhang Mojun, Wang Changguo, Zhang Jiarong, Tong Wenxu, Xu Qing, Cheng Ying, Zhou Yingshui, Wu Zhiying, Yue Yu, Qiu Guixian, Zhang Qunying, Zhou Wenjie, Shi Ruixian, Chen Hongbi, and Shen Peizhen submitted a letter to the Assembly to add (WORD CHOICE?) that men and women are equal and women should have the right to vote in the provisional constitution. They argued that after a political revolution, they must guarantee societal equality to avoid a social revolution. They believed that society being equal (??) requires women’s equal rights and suffrage at its foundation. In the same letter, they rejected that women were not qualified enough to vote and turned that argument around, voicing what makes men qualified for suffrage. Thus emphasizing how they would like to go the legal route to cement suffrage in China.(THIS IS A SENTENCE FRAGMENT, NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE)

AND WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT INFORMATION DO YOU HAVE ABOUT THE END OF HER LIFE?

use years of activism as dates