User:Starmiffy/Zhang Hanying/DinoLover34 Peer Review

General info
Starmiffy
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Starmiffy/Zhang Hanying
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

The Lead section does give a brief overview of some of Zhang Hanying's life, however, the language of the lead section is a bit informal and slightly lacking a good flow. Including phrases like "unique childhood" and "willful personality" lean more towards subjective than objective. I also would suggest changing the opening sentence to something that describes where and who i.e. "Zhang Hanying is a Chinese feminist figure who focused on the protection of natural rights women through the establishment of various women's groups..." The following sentences in the lead teeter towards slightly specific and only really focus on her education and personality rather than giving a roadmap of what is going to be discussed. It would be interesting to see the lead expand more on her "achievements" rather than her personality and relationship with her father (albeit important).

I would hyperlink "Tang Qunying" and "willow catkin feminists" to another wikipedia article if that exists as well if you choose to still include them.

Content:

The content of the article is very compelling. The section of her education provides a great overview of the learned experiences that shaped her. I liked how you brought attention to the effect of her international studies on her activism: "among the many Chinese women who learned public and political engagement skills at the Shimoda school in Japan." The Movement's section could be organized slightly more clearly in certain areas especially in the paragraph describing the Seventh Conference of All Nation’s Women’s Suffrage in Budapest. I think there could be slightly more focus on Hanying's contributions rather than the story of everyone else involved, potentially following the more Hanying forward narrative seen in the first two paragraphs of the section. The last paragraph discussing the Women’s Central Handicraft Factory in Nanjing is slightly vague and could benefit from additional information.

The Section on the Women's Suffrage Alliance is a bit busy. I don't think you necessarily need to mention every single person who signed the letter, again make it Hanying focused. However, I do think mentioning the two other feminist actors involved is a good idea. I like how you talked about the movement's goals and would maybe try and connect that back with Hanying's own political ideology and how the Women's Suffrage Alliance is a reflection of those overarching goals.

Tone and Balance:

The tone of the article is overall very neutral. I would just suggest making the tone more formal in the lead section (see notes above).

Organization:

Overall the article is very well organized. The story you are trying to tell is very easily followed, with just minor areas where transitions could be less abrupt (areas of specific interest mentioned above). I enjoyed the sections of the article along with the easy breakdown of her life. The lead section could just provide more of an outline to make this even better.

Images and Media:

There are no images and media to review.

Notability and Sources:

There looks to be a list of exhaustive and notable sources, with diversity in their sourcing. Great Job!

Overall Impression:

This is a great place to be! I think just minor edits in terms of flow need to be enacted and this would be ready to go. Deeper detail could be added in specific sections I mentioned earlier, and I hope you consider doing so. I think the article would also benefit by hyperlinking names mentioned in the article because the influx of other people and movements can be confusing, but overall great work !