User:Steven Crossin/Mediation/Prem Rawat/Proposal7

This page is for proposals related to the Prem Rawat. User should:
 * Add their proposed wording to a new section
 * Not sign their section with the standard ~
 * Not comment on other sections, this will be done at the discussion page
 * Not change the wording of drafts, they should add a new draft with the changed wording

Draft 1

 * The first part would be inserted after the second sentence of the first section, "Childhood".
 * The second part would be inserted after the third paragraph of "Coming of age".
 * The first sentence of "Aviation interests" is moved here, and would be deleted from that section.

Draft 2

 * The first part would be inserted after the second sentence of the first section, "Childhood".
 * The second part would be inserted after the third paragraph of "Coming of age".
 * The first sentence of "Aviation interests" is moved here, and would be deleted from that section.

Draft 3

 * The first part would be inserted after the second sentence of the first section, "Childhood".
 * The second part would be inserted after the third paragraph of "Coming of age".
 * The first sentence of "Aviation interests" is moved here, and would be deleted from that section. The sentence about the watch would be deleted.
 * The quotation from Hunt in the third paragraph of the "Westernization" section would be deleted/remainder moved.

Draft 4 (v2.3)

 * To be inserted after the second sentence of the first section, "Childhood":


 * Replacement text for 3rd section, "Coming of age":


 * To be deleted from "Westernization" section: The quotation from Hunt in the third paragraph of that section


 * To be deleted from "Critical viewpoints" section: The clause "for instance that money was increasingly diverted to Rawat's personal use.[17]" would be deleted from the last sentence in the second paragaph of the "Critical viewpoints" section.


 * Material to be integrated in the "Aviation interests" section:

Draft 5

 * The first part would be inserted after the second sentence of the first section, "Childhood".
 * The second part would be inserted after the third paragraph of "Coming of age".
 * The first sentence of "Aviation interests" is moved here, and would be deleted from that section. The sentence about the watch would be deleted.
 * The quotation from Hunt in the third paragraph of the "Westernization" section would be deleted/remainder moved.
 * The clause "for instance that money was increasingly diverted to Rawat's personal use.[17]" would be deleted from the last sentence in the second paragaph of the "Critical viewpoints" section.

Draft 6
IN PROGRESS / NOT COMPLETED

Draft 7
''To be inserted in the Coming of age section, replacing the text from "Rawat had by then ..." to "... "valued at 15 million". ''Uses one press source: "'You're a Perfect Master'", Newsweek November 19, 1973


 * Helipad passage restored, but at a later point, for timeline reasons (it was ten years later, 1981 to 1985) -- may not be perfect yet. Perhaps the material needs to be spread out more to fit into our article's chronology. Bear in mind, the next paragraph will begin "Although there were still residues of belief in his divinity, by 1976 the vast majority ..."

STILL IN PROGRESS Superseded by Drafts 9/10

Draft 9
Because of the timeline problems, this draft now represents the entire Coming of Age section. The helipad controversy, which occurred in the early eighties, has been moved to the end.

Draft 12
Condensed and smoothed from Draft 11.

Draft 13
from Draft 12, with attempts to deal with some editors' objections to that draft. More is probably still needed. July 26, couple more tweaks, indicated by strikeouts.