User:Stormageddon623/2016–17 California textbook controversy over South Asian topics/Natanxoza Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Stormageddon623


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Stormageddon623/2016%E2%80%9317_California_textbook_controversy_over_South_Asian_topics?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * 2016–17 California textbook controversy over South Asian topics

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hello!

The first thing I noticed after I read the Wiki article that you are editing was that the text is rather short and dull (no tables, no images), and that it needs some expansion. Therefore, I think that your idea to include the table with the corrections that the California Department of Education implemented is a great way to show what has been done to solve the controversy, as well as to organize your research in a comprehensive way.

I also noticed that the text is divided in multiple sections with the same title (“debate”, “result”) and that this takes up a lot of space on the page making it unattractive for readers. Is there any way that you plan to improve this? Maybe another table or simply a better organization of the text would help.

I think that what you plan to do is a great way to start editing the Wiki page, but I also think that you could improve the appearance of the text with more images and better organization of what has already been written. In any case, I hope you will continue working on your article and improving it!

Natanxoza (talk) 23:35, 20 November 2022 (UTC)