User:Stoutelie

Elizabeth Smelley

English 119: Critical Reading and Writing

Jana Carter - Instructor

October 27, 2006

Midterm Portfolio

Original Paragraph

I thought I was going to die!

I have always been deathly afraid of heights, especially when it comes to being contained in a tube that you have no way of escape. We were directed down to this little plane sitting out on the tarmac. Everyone got situated in their seats, the flight attendant did her announcement and then we were off. Forty five minutes into the air, we all heard a loud bang. All of a sudden, we did a sharp left turn and went down 2,000 feet. The flight attendant went running down the aisle, straps herself to her chair, grabs the phone to the cockpit and pulls the curtain so we couldn’t see what she was doing. All the while, turbulence was throwing us all over the place. All I kept thinking was how hard it would be to get the door at the front of the plane open, I thought that I was going to have better luck outside this plane rather than staying in my seat. We all put our heads between our legs and waited. Finally, the pilot announced that there was a slight crack in the co-pilots windshield and that we were diverting back to get another plane. After we landed and we were disembarking, I looked into the cockpit and saw the “crack”. The entire windshield had completely shattered! Thankfully, they got us onto another plane quickly and we safely made it back to Great Falls. That is one adventure I do not want to ever repeat.

''I agree with the review I received from a fellow student that my paragraph was hard to follow. I need to make it one big paragraph instead of mini paragraphs and change the beginning so that it reflects they reason I am writing about this subject.I think I did a pretty good job describing some of the things I was thinking and some details about the flight attendant.''

Revision

I thought I was going to die!

Flying in a plane should be a nice experience, but that was far from it. We were directed down to this little plane on the tarmac. After everyone got situated in their seats and the flight attendant did her announcement, we took off. The beginning of the flight was okay, there was a little bit of turbulence, but it was tolerable. About forty-five minutes into the air, we all heard a loud bang. All of a sudden, we did a sharp left turn and dropped down 2,000 feet. The flight attendant sprinted down the aisle, strapped herself to her seat, grabbed the phone to the cockpit and pulled the curtain separating her from us. All the while, turbulence started to throw us all over the cabin. I could see my life flashing before my eyes. All I could think about was how hard it would be to get the door at the front of the plane open. I thought that I was going to have better luck outside this plane rather than staying in my seat if the plane goes down. Instead I put my head between my legs and prayed. After the plane stabilized, the pilot announced that there was a slight crack in the co-pilots windshield. We were now diverting back to get another plane. After we landed and were disembarking, I took a peek in to the cockpit and saw the “crack”. The entire windshield had completely shattered! We eventually got settled into another plane and safely arrived in great falls. That is one adventure I do not want to ever repeat.

Original Paragraph

The Challenge

The most challenging thing for me returning to school is studying. Trying to concentrate on what you need to do and then prioritizing it has been very difficult for me. I never had to work when I was going to school, and now I have to work full time while attending school full time and it has put a strain on my relationships. My dogs and my boyfriend think that I have abandoned them. I spend the majority of my time locked in a quiet room somewhere attempting to master my studying skills and the jury is still out on how well that is going. I understand why a lot of students have either quite their job or have switched to part time work just because of the stress that school puts on you. I wish I could go part time or just leave work until I get my degree, but like most we are stuck having to carry all the loads of life to their full capacity. I never realized the difficulty I was going to face getting back into the swing of academic life. If I knew now what I knew then, I would have gone part time prior to starting school in order to commit more time to studying my course materials.

''I agree with Mrs. Carter that this was more narrative than anything else. It most definately needs to be overhauled, change it so that the paragraph is general and not narrative and change some of my wording to coincide with what Mrs. Carter was asking for in this paper.''

Revision

The Challenge

Going back to school is a lifestyle all on its own. One challenge that is most common in going back to school is that you have to come up with the funds to attend classes. Another challenge is that you need to study at least two hours for every hour of class lecture. A students extra time goes to studying instead of being able to relax. Students spend the majority of time locked in a quiet room attempting to master studying and homework skills. They need to prioritize work, school and home which can be very difficult. Working full time and going to school can put a strain on relationships. A lot of students have either quit their jobs or have switched to part time work just because of the stress that school puts on a person. If a student lives at home and is supported by their parents, they can concentrate fully on school. On the other end of the spectrum, students that are returning to school that have not attended in a long time will have to re-orientate themselves to their new lifestyle. Your home life and work life are scheduled around your class schedule. If you need tutoring, you must set aside your extra time to get the help you need. You can not put school work on the back burner in hopes of getting it done on time. Your grades will end up reflecting it. If you organize and prioritize your time between school and other activities that are important to you, you will be successful in school.

Original Paragraph

My Mother

My Mother, what can I say, she is the most wonderful person in my life. If you see her on the street, you would mistake her for the famous actress Kathy Bates. We get a good laugh but I don’t think she wants to be viewed as a short overweight woman. My mom always asks why she can’t look like some hot young model. I tell her that she must be beautiful if everyone thinks she is a famous actress. Her smile is gold that stretches from one ear to the other with dimples on each side encompassing her cheeks. I tower over her by quite a few feet, yet her presence is one of a giant. She stands out in a crowd, very enthusiastic, full of energy, ready to meet everyone in sight. My Mother is the type of person that everyone loves and everyone wants to meet. I used to not think of her this way when I was growing up. I thought of her as my enemy, the one to rebel against. I know now that I really gave her a run for her money. We have become friends, best friends actually and I am proud to announce that to the world. We joke together, drink wine coolers together, and dance together, like two peas and a pod. We are such friends that she talked my dad into selling the house and will now be moving up here October 4th!

''Since I don't have reviews from any of my other papers yet, I picked this one to do because I really got off track with what the assignment was supposed to be. I went into description in some areas but got a little carried away in others. I think I stayed on track for the most part and the story could flow a little better. I hope I brought it back on track with the revision''

Revision

My Mother

Her hair, dark blonde, dry and fine with little life, resting on her shoulders. My Mothers hands dry and cracked, from trying to provide for her family. Her eyes show her life; fun, hardworking, and loving. Her shoulders muscular and broad, carrying all the load of her work. She has a stature of strength and reassurance. If you see her on the street, you would mistake her for Kathy Bates. Her smile is gold that stretches from one ear to the other with dimples on each side encompassing her cheeks. She is aging now, wrinkles slowly making their way onto her face mapping out her life. The deep ones around her mouth, showing how often she laughs and smiles, the long wrinkles that go across the forehead, telling stories of a mother that raised her eyebrows at her mischievous children. I tower over her now by quite a few feet, yet her presence is one of a giant. She stands out in a crowd, very enthusiastic, full of energy, ready to meet everyone in sight. My Mother is the type of person that everyone loves and everyone wants to meet. I used to not think of her this way when I was growing up. I thought of her as my enemy, the one to rebel against. Her knees worn out from chasing me down the block as a child. She is changing from what I saw in her as a teenager. She has become a best friend, an advisor of sorts. We joke together, drink wine coolers together, and dance together, like two peas and a pod. She will always be the young, beautiful woman that married my dad 30 years ago.

Self Evaluation

For the most part, I think I have been doing an okay job with the main idea. My form needs some work, but by the end of this term, I hope to have mastered some of it. I know there is always room for improvement, but I hope to have the concepts down. I am so used to doing everything in the narrative form so it's all new to me to write in third person and the types like compare and contrast.