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"Faithless Nelly Gray" is a comedic poem written by British humorist and poet Thomas Hood.

The Poem
Faithless Nelly Gray

A Pathetic Ballad


 * Ben Battle was a soldier bold,
 * And used to war's alarms;
 * But a cannon-ball took off his legs,
 * So he laid down his arms.


 * Now as they bore him off the field,
 * Said he, 'Let others shoot;
 * For here I leave my second leg,
 * And the Forty-second Foot.'


 * The army-surgeons made him limbs:
 * Said he, 'They're only pegs;
 * But there's as wooden members quite,
 * As represent my legs.'


 * Now Ben he loved a pretty maid, --
 * Her name was Nelly Gray;
 * So he went to pay her his devours,
 * When he devoured his pay.


 * But when he called on Nelly Gray,
 * She made him quite a scoff;
 * And when she saw his wooden legs,
 * Began to take them off.


 * 'O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray!'
 * Is this your love so warm?
 * The love that loves a scarlet coat
 * Should be a little more uniform.


 * Said she, ' I loved a soldier once,
 * For he was blithe and brave;
 * But I will never have a man
 * With both legs in the grave


 * 'Before you had those timber toes
 * Your love I did allow;
 * But then, you know, you stand upon
 * Another footing now.'


 * 'O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray!
 * For all your jeering speeches,
 * At duty's call I left my legs
 * In Badajos's breaches.'


 * 'Why, then,' said she, 'you've lost the feet
 * Of legs in war's alarms,
 * And now you cannot wear your shoes
 * Upon your feats of arms!'


 * 'O false and fickle Nelly Gray!
 * I know why you refuse:
 * Though I've no feet, some other man
 * Is standing in my shoes.


 * 'I wish I ne'er had seen your face;
 * But, now, a long farewell!
 * For you will be my death' -- alas!
 * You will not be my Nell!'


 * Now when he went from Nelly Gray
 * His heart so heavy got,
 * And life was such a burden grown,
 * It made him take a knot.


 * So round his melancholy neck
 * A rope he did intwine,
 * And, for his second time in life,
 * Enlisted in the Line.


 * One end he tied around a beam,
 * And then removed his pegs;
 * And, as his legs were off -- of course
 * He soon was off his legs.


 * And there he hung till he was dead
 * As any nail in town;
 * For, though distress had cut him up,
 * It could not cut him down.


 * A dozen men sat on his corpse,
 * To find out why he died, --
 * And they buried Ben in four cross-roads
 * With a stake in his inside.