User:Super ninja2

I've been an active Wikipedia editor for 8+ years. During these years I considered leaving it for more than 1000 times. And considering the long time I spent here, I'm pretty confident I was/am not the only one. Wikipedia is a toxic place. Whether you're trying to edit continuous, controversial topics or trying to stay away from all these hassles and have some peace in abandoned topics, you'll get the splashes from this toxicity.

Since I was a kid, I used to benefit from Wikipedia's rich articles and when I grew older, I decided I want to payback the favor to this free encyclopedia that helped me in every possible way. When I started editing Wikipedia, I started with the Arabic version. And Arabic Wikipedia was a big painful headache because of the countless conspiracies and the dictatorship of the admins there that would cancel you if you disagree with them or even criticize them or their policies. But comparing it to the English one, it's much better, trust me. I started reading the rules and policies. And considering how rules have always been sacred to me since I can remember, I was so strict, more strict than anyone there. NPOV, is a NPOV, whether I'm a Palestinian or an Israeli, a Christian or a Muslim. A reliable source is a reliable source, if there are no reliable sources then delete the article. Too short article? Biography of a non-notable living person? Speedy Deletion. And that got me in so so much troubles for challenging ALL the admins there. And I got banned several times. But I could never stop, till I thought that was enough. I moved here, I thought this place is different, rules are being respected, no admin dictatorship, a more democratic, peaceful, safer place. And I was very satisfied at the beginning, till the Russian-Ukraine war. I started as usual, favoring the rules over my opinion. I was never opinion driven editor. Till I realized this place was never a place where you share knowledge, it's a war ground. And comparing it to the Arabic version, it is much worse. All people are trying to force their POVs, and the stronger wins. For the first time I felt being so helpless to make a change. But I thought if this place was a chaos, then the only way to make a change is to join the chaos, be like them, abide by their rules not the written rules. I remembered Putin when he said that when he became a KGB he realized that all the law we study has nothing to do with the reality, so learning it is a waste of time. He said that when he tried to correct his commander, everybody laughed and told him he was lucky that Stalin was not the leader, otherwise he would have gotten in trouble. I never thought this would apply on pretty much everything. Realizing this place is war ground, I decided I will join the war. Wikipedia is not an encyclopedia, but it's still a place to make a change. But still convinced I should payback what Wikipedia has given to me, I still edited it every topic I could. I still saw myself to belong here, despite being surprised by its reality. But this time, I wanted this warfare to be at least fair. Now, I'm not abiding the rules, now my edits should be to the community's liking. Their comments should be taken into consideration. Rules don't matter. I entered Wikipedia to leave an impact and to benefit the people. Leaving an impact has always been something I treasured. So, I thought, I should leave an impact that I think is actually good. It's not how I imagined my mission would be here but it might be even better. I should spread the truth, speak for the voiceless, this is my mission now. And this was harder than ever. The hardest time I spent in Wikipedia. And by the time it became harder and harder in a way I've never expected to be. When the Israel-Palestine war started, I tried to stay away from reading the news or knowing what is happening because that was too much for me. And I trusted the process of Wikipedia. I knew it wasn't neutral and that rules don't matter, but I also knew that it's made by people like me, there is no company or elites controlling it, and by editing Russia-Ukraine war, I realized that these people don't like wars and support the victims. So, I wasn't so worried about the articles on this issue. But I was so wrong and understood it the hard way. I don't know who is in Wikipedia and I don't know if they are normal people like me. But I know that it's not a safe place and I should leave it for good to maintain my mental health. It's only dumb and worthless to allow yourself to be profiled and judged for nothing worthy. Maybe I can never make a change or leave an impact that would help people, at least not here. This place was never for me. I never belonged here. This time for real, I'm promising myself to never come back here.

I'm not happy at all with this decision, because I think that it's only wrong to let them win. That's what they want. This is why they are doing what they're doing. I should have fight stronger and smarter. This is not the right way to withdraw. They are fighting fiercely and if good is this weak, they will win again and again. But this is enough for me. I'll leave it to the good people here. I've done what I've been able to do.