User:SylvanoPadilla/User:Willrembert360/Cyrus Kabiru/SylvanoPadilla Peer Review

General info
(provide username)- Willrembert360
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Willrembert360/Cyrus Kabiru:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cyrus Kabiru:

Evaluate the drafted changes
 Lead:  Your lead is decent, need to take out "physical artwork" due to every art form needs to be physical just put artwork or sculptures. Next, you repeated the same thing about where he was born again in the next section, "Biography". Also, put what the artist does first what medium or art style they do then proceed to include their birth year after you state where they are from. I do think these first two sections should be short, but not this short. This feels unfinished in the leading sections of your Wikipedia, need to do more research'''. Stop stating physical art or artist. Cyrus Kabiru is a sculptor who does sculptures. '''

 Content:  Your content is somewhat better than the original article you were assigned, but you have information mixed up in the Career Section. His high school and educational experience or status should be in a separate section. Not in the same section. Same with the "Afrofuturism" section, not sure why this content is needed in a separate section also this section seems a bit useless. Yes, it is an art style and movement, incorporate that content somewhere where it is supposed to go as in his artwork sections. Most content you put out was either solid or fluff. As in you put information that is either not important or described in your opinion.

 Tone:  Your tone throughout is either neutral or formal. In my opinion, you need to pick one for the whole Wikipedia page to go well together. Mainly no biases but you should try to gain the reader's attention at times, by trying to sound as if it was an interesting art piece. You are great at stating facts, just make your voice heard in those facts. Sometimes I did feel as if I was just reading a checklist of facts, that may bore the reader.

 Sources:  Your sources are good, except the Awards and Residencies section. Have a link for that section for each bullet point of information. Sources are finished well, but the rest needs more.

 Organization:  You read my content section, apply that here as well. Career and education need to be separate not in the same section. The same goes for "Afrofuturism" which does NOT need a separate section, maybe put some of that section in the leading sections. Your main body of work needs more, you write a lot of information but in a little section, expand on that if you can.

 Overall:  The Wikipedia page does not have enough words from you in your body of sections. You did decent in your sources and references. Also, you should try a figure out your sections due to information being chaotic in some cases. I think you need to definitely do more research on sculptural artworks in general and figure out how to explain the artworks better. Before you go into what he may make it out of or the style/movement ask yourself this for his artwork sections. Why did he make it? What does the artwork mean? Those are the key things to answer when explaining artwork, my sculptor professor taught me that. Needs to be a direct answer if you can. I think that will help you greatly in your work.