User:Sziegler4404/Testing cosmetics on animals/Munch6777 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Sziegler4404


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Sziegler4404/Testing cosmetics on animals - Wikipedia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Testing cosmetics on animals - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Sziegler4404,

Overall, I think you did a nice job, especially with the sources that you used. They are all very reliable sources. Also, towards the middle of the draft you did a good job leading from one sentence to the next.

But I did find some things that might be improved. For example, some of your sentences are written in a more evaluative sense, for example, "Although the article from Wikipedia "Testing Animals on Cosmetics" consumes most of the information from my sources I found, I did notice that there were a few important alternatives and methods that weren't included." Those types of sentences would need to be changed to a format that would allow you to state a fact and add it directly into an article. I also think that you should state where in the article you will be putting your draft. Another thing that I realized is that if you are going to change the draft to a form that will be able to be inserted directly into the article, then the entire first sentence