User:TP0041/Dolabrifera dolabrifera/Lhart808 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

User:TP0041


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:TP0041/Dolabrifera_dolabrifera?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
My first thought after reading the draft was curiosity. The facts urged me to learn more and delve deeper into each sentence. My favorite part, ¨Dolabrifera housing enough toxins to kill small rodents¨, purely fascinating! You are on a great lead from the hook to the conclusion. Grammar is correct, sentence structure is strong, and is straight to the point.

Some critique I have is to be more confident about your facts. I noticed the usage of ¨can¨ a few times in the Description section gives a tone of doubt. Be confident in the information you present. Instead of saying they ¨can¨ come in different colors, announce that ¨they are found in nature in colors that vary between red, pink, brown, green, and purple.¨ Rereading the article shows that usage of ¨can¨ is used too much. Try to reform sentences to proudly state your case and point.

I'm impressed that you managed to find a human use for your chosen mollusk. My bubble snail is virtually useless to the human race which was a hassle to research for. While looking through the bibliography, I noticed we've both used the same resources and websites to gather information from such as WoRMS.

Some advice for both of us, I recommend using more than 5 sources of information to avoid the bare minimum. In order to excel, we have to go above and beyond what is expected. I personally plan to add 2-3 more sources to my bibliography and in-text citations for my best chance at a reliable article.

Things to add:

Photo/s of specimen

Full layout of scientific classifications

Overall your draft is coming along wonderfully! Keep adding more information as time goes on and I have no doubts that this article will be teeming with captivating facts and well-delivered descriptions. Thank you for taking the time to allow my critique! Good luck!

-Lola Hart

'Hi Lola Hart. Thank you for your detailed feedback on my draft. I will be adding photos in the future, and writing the full layout of scientific classifications would be great information to add. I appreciate your critique on my use of the word "can". I will try to find more sources. Good luck on your article!'